Voila! Finally, the The Wood
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Omar Epps, Taye
Diggs, and Sean Nelson movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of The Wood. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Jerome!Put on that Bobby Womack.No, girl, I want to go way back.Oh yeah, check this out.
Please put that in the kitchen.
And watch the wall... the wall!
- Who is this pretty lady?
- I told Oliver we shouldn't do this here.
- What's wrong?
- Why couldn't we do it at the church?
- Mike, get that out of my face, please.
- Mr Blackman is going to like this one.
Yeah? I have some videos myself.
You know I keep everything, boy.
- Are you trying to blackmail me?
- That's exactly what I'm trying to do.
Tell my son Roland I want to see him.
Oliver, time to set up
the chairs outside.
It just wouldn't seem right
without any drama.
I never thought Roland would
get married. Apparently, neither did he.
The wedding kicks off in three hours
and nobody can find him.
My name is Mike. Big Mike
in the Wood, but we'll get to that later.
What's the Wood?
It's not what you think it is.
No, it's Inglewood, California.
It's where we grew up.
Me, Roland and Slim.
There's Slim. He's been pissed off
ever since Roland went missing.
- Every five minutes he says...
- Where the fuck is that nigger?
- Who the fuck are you talking to?
If Roland didn't want to get married,
he shouldn't have asked.
Nobody forced him. He wants to be
Hugh Hefner and get married.
- Hugh Hefner is married.
- He's divorced... Fuck him, too!
The point is, we were supposed
to meet the photographer an hour ago!
And don't ever front me
in front of people we don't know.
Don't mind Slim. He and Ro are always
in disagreement about something.
It's always been that way.
Me? I get to play the peacemaker.
Goddamn! It's hard to believe we
dressed like this and thought it cool.
In me, my little brotherand my mom moved to Inglewood.An L.A. Suburb.My mom got a new job at the hospital.For the last time, I hoped.This was my third school in five years.It wasjust like the movies here.Middle of January, yet degrees.Palm trees, sunny skiesand, of course, beautiful women.
You see her titties in "Purple Rain"?
You could eat off those.
- You're crazy.
- Vanity looked fine in "Last Dragon".
She didn't show no tit.
Let's ask him, man.
- Who's finer, Vanity or Apolonia?
- Apolonia, man.
- What did I tell you?
- He doesn't know anything.
- You're the new kid, right?
So, are you cuz or blood?
Are you cuz or blood?
- Cuz what?
- What set are you from, man?
I don't know anything about any sets.
I'm from North Carolina.
North Carolina? That's why
the nigger sounds like Willie Nelson.
You better hang with us. You got
to learn how to make it in the Wood.
- Otherwise you might get shot.
You know, shot. Bang-bang.
- The nigger don't know nothing.
- We've got to teach him the ropes.
- I'm Roland. This skinny fool is Slim.
- I'm Mike.
- You play ball?
- I play baseball.
We ain't in Boston. That's that
white boy, Ricky Schroeder shit.
- I mean basketball.
- No. But I watch it a lot.
Rule number one in the Wood:
Either you gang-bang or you play ball.
Or you could be a pimp, like me.
Because I've got to stay clean.
Whose homeroom are you in?
- Mrs Hughes.
- That's where we're going.
What's up with the threads, man?
And look out for Mrs Hughes.
Somebody should give her a Tic Tac.
- Who is that?
- That's Alicia.
- She's fine as hell, ain't she?
- You ain't never lying.
- What, you like her?
- No, I just think she looks good.
So does every nigger in the school.
Watch this, though.
- What are you doing?
Alicia, you're looking nice today.
You ain't got a play. Give it up.
Alicia. It was early in the morning,but my hormones were wide awake.
Settle down. Before we begin,
I'd like to introduce Michael.
Today is his first day. Stand up
and tell the class about yourself.
I kept thinking,"Please go down. Please!"
- Well, I'm Mike...
- Come up here, so we can see you.
I've got to be cool.Think of something. Baseball.First base, second... Hell,I'd like to hit a home run with Alicia.Shit, bad move!
Well, I'm Mike.
I'm from North Carolina...
and I like sports.
- And that's it.
- "I like sports and that's it."
Levinio, is something amusing you?
Then turn to page like the rest.
- What page is on?
Never mind. I'll find it.
- Whose number is that anyway?
- We'll find out.
- Who's this?
- Nice to speak to you too, Slim.
- Tanya? This is real bad.
Is Ro over there?
Yeah, and he's pretty jacked up.
Would you be quiet!
He's been drinking.
- That nigger don't drink.
- This is an enormous snag.
Roland and Tanya,
that was his first love. First...
Keep that fool there. We're coming.
Hurry up, or I'll put my foot
where it don't belong.
- Hurry up.
- We're coming right now.
- What's up?
- I hope he didn't do what I think.
We've just got to go and get him.
- That's sweet. When did you get that?
- A couple of weeks ago.
A little something.
If you work hard, you might
afford one of these one day.
- What's up?
- Come here, my childhood nigger!
- What's wrong?
- Why the long faces?
- What have you been drinking?
- Have you forgot about today?
The flowers, the family, Lisa?
I bet she's looking pretty.
- Is she, Slim?
- He came like this an hour ago.
Making love forever...
- That was our song.
- What's wrong with you?
- You didn't fuck, did you?
- No. What do I look like?
- I'm just saying...
- Nothing happened. Leave it at that.
- Let's go before she whops my ass.
- I ain't going to that place.
What do you mean?
I paid $ for this tux!
- I'll go and get some coffee.
- And get some Listerine, too.
Listen. Get the fuck out of here,
because I'm trying to get into that.
Did you see her booty?
I'm going to make her booty giggle.
- What is wrong with you?
- You wanted to squeeze it.
You're getting married. Don't be a punk.
- You're a punk.
- I will whop your mud-bone ass.
You're fucking up big time, man.
I know I'm fucking up.
I love Lisa, but I don't know, man.
I just don't know.
What don't you know?
You thought of all that pussy
you'd be giving up and you punked out.
- That's what it is, Mike.
- Somebody always has to punk out.
I'm sorry to break up your
all-boys meeting, but this is my house.
You need to drink this.
No, hold it. God...
- I'm sorry.
- This shit is cold.
- We've got to go.
- My head is spinning.
- I've got to chill here.
- Not here. Grab your shit and let's go.
Let's go, baby.
- Where are you going with my pot?
- I'll bring it back.
I found myself in the damnedestsituations with Roland and Slim.My first school day was no different.
Peep this thing.
Look at that booty.
- I bet it's soft.
- I'd love to grab that ass.
Before sex, there was grabbing booty.For a -year-old, that was the best.It was like a game. You run upand grab a girl's booty, and run.
- I dare you to grab her booty.
- I'll do it.
I know, but I'm asking Mike.
I know you want to do it.
I will give you one dollar.
No, not you.
- You touch her booty, you get a buck.
- But you've got to do it right now.
Okay, it's a bet.
Do it before lunch is over,
or the bet's off.
I was ready and determined.For a dollar, it was worth the risk.And the booty was looking good.
Did you see him get hit in his face?
- Damn, she clocked your ass.
- Give me my dollar.
You do not know me. Don't ever
put your stinking hands on me again.
And I will tell my brother.
I so wanted to fit in, I never wonderedwhy they didn't want to grab her butt.
- Her brother?
- Remember the Bloods and the Crips?
- Well, that nigger's a Blood.
When he picks me up, he'll kick
your ass. Bet on that, punk.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- I didn't think she'd get that mad.
- I guess she just tripped.
- You're all in this with me.
You're tripping. You better run
out of here when school is over.
Any other day,time drags during the last period.But time was on crack today.Maybe she'd forget about it.So much for that.
- That girl's got you bugging.
- You're sweating.
- You look like you're fast. Just run.
- What about tomorrow?
You live to run again, fool.
Let's go. We better go this way.
- Am I glad to get out of there!
- Do you wanna shoot some hoops?
What's wrong with you?
Funny how any hint of a fightalways gets around the whole school.
- My sister tells me you grabbed her!
- I didn't mean it!
- You think my sister's a ho?
- No, I think she's pretty.
- Leave him alone.
- Fuck you. You want some of me?
- Yeah... I guess so.
- No, this is my fight.
I could've sworn I saw the light.A hand reaching out to me from above.
- My mistake. It was his fist.
- I told you to scare him. Stop!
- Come on, man.
- Stacey, I said stop it.
- Let's go, Alicia.
- Are you all right?
- I'm okay.
- Let's go!
I'm sorry about...
- Are you all right? Damn!
- Come on!
I thought he was gonna kill you.
You got a hit on Stacey, though.
Ain't nobody ever done that.
- Thanks for having my back.
- We always got your back, man.
- We got you into this.
- We can't have you killed the first day.
Let's go. But was it worth it?
Was it worth getting beat down?
- In, baby, in.
- Let's go.
- Where's the aspirin at?
- In the third aisle.
- In the third aisle. Please!
I'm getting you some Tic Tacs.
You've got dragon breath.
What are you smiling about?
It's not funny.
We used to come up here and grab
a bunch of mints for the school dances.
- I used to have all the girls on my tail.
Put another one...
Your no-dancing ass...
- Mike. No dancing.
- How did it go?
- Do it again.
- You're just jealous.
- Man, the dances!
- They was the bomb.
Put this on that nigger's tab.
If the aisles could talk,
the things they would say!
- Nobody's cooking those grits for you!
- If the aisles could talk, boy.
After a couple of months,I was getting adjusted to Inglewood.
- Hi, baby.
- I ain't your baby.
- Are you going to the dance?
- Yeah, save a dance for me.
What about you, Mike?
- Yeah, I'm going.
- I can't wait. It's gonna be fresh.
First dance of the year, too.
Leave Tracy at home.
I can't stand that girl.
- What's up?
- What's up, Ro?
You just missed it. Alicia just came
and asked if I was going to the dance.
- She likes me.
- Why else did she come up to me?
- To see if you were going to the dance.
- She asked me this morning.
She asked me early in the morning, so
it's probably been on her mind all night.
The dance is gonna be slamming.
You'll get to show what you've got.
- You can dance, right?
- Yeah, I'm like "Dance Fever".
- We're gonna see on Friday.
- You can stay at my crib that night.
- That's cool. I'll ask my mom.
- Yeah, me too.
I had never danced a day in my life.Not with a girl.With Alicia being there,I couldn't look like a fool.So I figured I'd learn how to dance.Check this out. AM, KDAY.
Oh, girl. You think I look good?
I think I look good.
Let me show you something.
Do you like that, girl?
That's cool. Watch this!
Girl, that wasn't it.
That wasn't nothing, girl.
Let me show you something cool.
You like that? You like me?
You sexy girl. Come here,
let me show you something.
You smell good, girl.
What is going on? Michael!
I was just dancing.
There's a dance on Friday.
- So you did the freak with a rabbit?
- I've never danced before.
What about Deborah's wedding?
You were so cute.
- I was four. It's different now.
- Look at my little boy growing up.
That's the latest step.
It's called "the hip".
- So how's the job going?
- It's going well. The people seem nice.
- So who is she?
Only a woman can make a man
do the crazy stuff you were just doing.
- Come on. It ain't nobody.
- Whatever, boy.
I'm glad to see you like it here.
We're gonna stay here for a while.
Anyway, I think you need
a little more practice.
- Just keep it down.
- Okay, Ma.
This is it!
- Where'd you get that sweet hat?
- Carolina Blue in North Carolina.
Why are you wearing it like
a poindexter? Let me help you out.
- That's how the ballers wear it.
- Everybody got their pen and paper?
- A pen?
- To get girls' numbers.
Whoever gets the most numbers
gets a dollar.
- I don't have a pen.
- Here, I always carry a spare.
- But I'm gonna get the most anyway.
- You're crazy.
It was all new to me. I'd never dancedwith a girl, let alone got her number.
Hold on. We didn't do the breath test.
- I'm cool.
But for how long? Have you got
some gum, candy, Binaca?
I need something.
My breath is kicking like Bruce Lee.
- Let's go to the mini-market.
- Hell, no. That's like Blood central.
I am not walking in there
with my breath smelling all tart.
Let's just go.
All right, man.
- Take that hat off. It's got blue in it.
- It's light blue.
- Take it off.
- What up, blood?
- My fault.
- Damn, that was too close.
I keep forgetting you're the rookie.
- Here are the refreshments.
- Tic Tacs.
- Good idea, but bad flavour.
- What's wrong with orange?
- School him.
- Tic Tacs are small, but powerful.
Always go small. You might be talking
to some girl, and the candy falls out.
- You'd look stupid.
- But Tic Tacs are hard to notice.
Especially in the dance, right?
And fruit flavours are always bad.
Like Harvard professors. They hadbreath mints down to a science.
- That's important for slow dancing.
- What about gum?
I got this.
Always remember, when dealing
with females... Suck, never chew.
- I'll get the green.
- I'll get the white.
Let me get a soda.
- The party started an hour ago.
- We got time.
Give me the money.
Shut the fuck up and move!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Get down.
- What's going on?
- Check it out.
- Not this time. You check it out.
- Let's all check it out.
- Shit, they're robbing the place.
- No shit! As if I didn't know.
- We got to get out of here.
- Let's stay and let them rob the place.
- Then maybe they'll leave.
- Do you know where we're at?
Where's the other one?
I think he's coming.
I've got something for his ass.
Hold on, man. Oh, shit!
- Look. There's someone in here.
- Bring them here.
- I just wanted some Tic Tacs.
- Get in the front.
They ain't nothing.
They go to school with my sister.
- Don't say my name.
He's got a heart, though.
When I beat him, he took it like a G.
Are you going to the dance?
I remember them dances.
Don't fuck with me.
Get on the ground!
- Do you little niggers want something?
- I was kind of thirsty.
- Go and get it.
- No, we're cool.
At least let me give you a ride
to the dance. It's the least I can do.
You're wasting time. Come on.
I'm taking you to the dance.
- Did you get some more Zig-Zags?
- I forgot.
- That's the reason we went there.
- I went to get some rubbers.
- Do you want a hit?
- No, we're cool.
- Are you Muslims or something?
- No, we just don't do that.
I'm just trying to be generous. I don't
understand youngsters nowadays.
Pass that shit this way.
Fuck you. You ain't getting no Zig-Zags,
you ain't getting no drig-drag.
That shit rhymed, nigger.
I should be a rapper.
I'm harder than DMC.
I'm serious. I'd make
a whole album about smoking weed.
Nobody wants to buy that.
We'll get some beats like these
and sell millions.
Name me one race
that don't smoke bud.
I'd sell millions.
I'd call it "The Weed Album".
Getting contact back here?
Shit, the police!
- Put the gun under the seat.
- Open the windows.
- Open the windows.
- Don't panic.
I'm just taking you to the dance.
- Is there a problem?
- Your tail light is out. Licence, please.
- Here you go, sir.
- Whose car is this?
- Mine. But it's in my mother's name.
- Your last names don't match.
- She just remarried.
It's amazing how tables can turn.At the store, Boo was so tough, -
- but now they were kids like us.
Everybody out. Now!
Put your hands behind your heads.
Against the wall.
Get your hands behind your heads.
Get those legs apart.
I don't want to hear a sound.
Don't move. If you've got any
weapons or contraband, tell me now.
Get them apart.
We're going tojail.I'm going to be on "Scared Straight".
Open those legs.
- They're clean.
- All this for a tail light?
- Speak only when you're spoken to.
- You heard the officer!
- Shut it up.
- Stacey, shut up.
What's going on?
It's just my allergies, sir. I'm sorry.
Unit C . We'll take care of it.
God, if you get us out of this,I'll never grab a booty again.
Davis, let's move.
You can go now.
And you, greasy one...
Get that tail light fixed.
Prayer really works. The robberythey just committed got us off.Life's funny sometimes.As long as it doesn't laugh at you.
Get in the back, cry-baby.
These kids have more heart than you!
- I'm riding in the front.
- Get in the back or walk home!
In the front, homeboy.
You, get up in the front.
What were you thinking, alcoholic?
Popping Tic Tacs
when we got pulled over.
I was thinking that this could be
my last meal as a free man.
He was thinking it might be a female
cop and he could sweet talk us out of it.
- Get some more Tic Tacs, just in case.
- Don't doubt the mack skills.
It's got me out of a lot of shit.
Keep the change, homey.
Get out and go have some fun.
Little man, let me talk to you.
I apologise for beating your ass.
But I was protecting my sister.
She's cute. There's always
some nigger trying to fuck with her.
Yeah, I know. It's cool.
You like her, don't you?
I ain't gonna do nothing to you.
- I guess.
- You guess?
Well, yeah, I do.
- What's your name?
Big Mike. You got good taste.
She's cool. She's smart, too.
She loves that Luther Vandross song
"If This World Were Mine".
If they happen to play that,
I want you to get your dance.
I'm serious, man.
Go and have some fun... Big Mike.
Stay your cry-baby ass in the back!
- Are you all right?
- What did he say?
- He just wanted to know my name.
- I thought he was gonna get you.
No, man. Let's just get up
in this party, finally.
The party of all parties. I'd never seenanything like this in North Carolina.Hormonesjumping, music pumping,booties shaking... paradise!
I'm gonna be freaking
all the fine skeezers up in here tonight.
Check it out, Ro.
That's my boy!
Lay back and let's see who's here.
Look at that freak right there.
That booty is nice!
I'm dancing with her.
You get her friend.
The power of horniness is amazing.We werejust in a robbery, butit was like nothing had happened.
Ladies, you want to dance with us?
I was so horny I forgot I couldn't dance.
What are you doing?
I was looking like a fool.I'lljust get into my own thing.
Hey, watch this.
Or do you like this?
Mike, get it! "Dance Fever", huh?
I'm getting tired. I'm gonna stop.
This party is fly, man!
One from each corner of the room.
Ro ain't messing with me.
Ro, how many?
Six? Damn, I've only got four.
I'd have more if we hadn't come late.
How many you got, Mike?
You got to get up off that bench
if you want some numbers.
- He's waiting for Alicia.
- Forget it. Everybody wants her.
- I'll tell her you want to talk to her.
- No, don't.
- No, for real. Come on.
- I'm just trying to help you.
- Why not hook me up?
- Why don't both of you talk to her?
See all these honeys?
That one is about to be number seven.
- Right there.
You're all gonna owe me some money
after tonight. I'll get it from you later.
I won't pay for that big-headed girl.
I got to get some more numbers.
We're gonna slow it down now.
Grab a fine lady and get close.
That's the song!I've got to find her. If I couldgetjust this one dance...I expected her to be dancingwith someone else.Then I'd have an excusefor not asking.Maybe I should think about this.I did grab her butt that day.But that was two months ago,and she's been cool ever since.
- Hey, Alicia.
- What's up, Mike?
I just wanted to say hi.
You haven't been alone all night.
I never really did get
to apologise for the bet.
Oh, that's what you get for hanging
around Roland and his nasty behind.
I was nervous as a hooker in church.
- I really like this song.
- It's a beautiful song.
Do you want to dance?
My heart was beating timesa minute. She smelled so good.All I could think of was,"Don't get hard"!
I love this part.
- Why don't you go dance with her?
- You, too!
Can't I call you?
Shit, I can't hold it any longer.Captain, she's going to blow.
- I was in full salute.
- You okay, Mike?
Yeah, this is how we do it
in North Carolina.
This is how we do it in L.A.
The party's over. Time to go home.
Walk me outside?
- I had so much fun.
- Me, too.
- I guess I'll talk to you at school.
- Why not this weekend?
- You're asking me for my number?
- Yeah, I guess so.
- You guess so?
- Okay, I am.
How the hell did you do that?
- I told you not to worry about me.
- Whatever. I got seven numbers.
The last one wasn't cute,
but she had a body. I won.
- I got seven, too. It's a tie.
- How many did you get?
- Alicia? Damn!
- I knew you danced with her, but damn!
That number is worth ten of
those skeezers. You won, Big Mike.
You're taking all my money.
I still don't know
how you swung that.
- That's why I'm Big Mike.
- Don't act stupid.
- I'm forgetting about the wedding.
- What do you want us to tell them?
- I don't know.
- Should I tell them it's off?
- What then? They're all waiting.
- I need some time to think.
- You had time before you proposed.
- I did think.
- Grow up and act responsible.
- I don't want to wonder "what if".
- You won't, because we know it.
You need to face that, man.
- Pull the car over.
- No! I'm getting your ass there.
- We'll stick by you no matter what.
- Tell him to stop the car.
Are you all right?
- Mike, don't even start.
- He don't look too good.
Get the window.
This is my new shit!
Look at this shit!
These are Ferragamos!
They cost $ !
- How much did you pay for them?
- They're worth ! Stupid ass!
- Chill, man. It's over.
- Get back in. You're marrying Lisa.
- Are you gonna force him?
- I never said I don't want to marry her.
See? He's crazy.
You're crazy, a drunk and a punk!
- Why do I have to be a punk?
- Ro, step the fuck back.
I will beat your little ass up.
You fucking midget.
Have you lost your mind?
I will body-slam your ass.
Are you calm?
Are you calm?
Ro... stop playing.
Both of you are acting like punks.
The wedding is or isn't going to happen
today. Only you know the answer.
Don't let cold feet fuck this up, Ro.
- Are you gonna do this or not?
- I guess so.
We ain't asking you to get doughnuts!
That's good enough for now.
If he says "no" in the church...
- We got to get cleaned up.
No, no, no.
Just go. Get this shit away from...
What the fuck is that smell?
Ro got carsick. We need to clean up.
Gas stations have fresh paper towels.
This ain't no damn commercial.
Ro gets married in two hours.
We really need your help.
I'm doing this for her.
Not for you and especially not for him.
- She must be going through hell.
- If he gets cleaned up, she won't know.
- Can you clean the tuxedos?
- Do I look like a maid?
Take them to the cleaners!
I've got some of my man's clothes.
- I'm first in the shower.
There's a hose in the backyard.
- We ain't washing no dogs.
- Says who?
- What choice have we got?
- Through the back way!
- You stink. Go through the back.
- Like Benson?
- That's bad.
- So are you.
- Damn, this shit is cold.
- Maybe it'll snap Ro back to normal.
Damn you all. Stop playing.
I see not a lot has changed
since high school.
This is shrinkage, right?
Back me up, you all.
- The joke's over. Pass the clothes.
- What clothes? Oh, my God.
We look like three nerds.
Why is this so painful?
I'm talking about marriage.
It's like you're going to the electric
chair. It's supposed to be special.
- It ain't that simple.
- Do you love her?
- Then it's simple.
Getting drunk and dirty, fighting,
just so you can act like a schoolboy.
- Thank you, Oprah!
- Can't take the heat?
I can take the heat fine.
That fool's getting married.
But you do look good in them jeans.
Thanks for putting up with me, Tanya.
- That's for the bride.
- I deserve that.
- Hi there.
- We need this done in an hour.
- What would you like cleaned?
Find a church. It'll take a miracle
to have this cleaned in an hour.
Please, we're going to a wedding.
We need you to work a miracle.
I'll see what I can do.
But I won't promise you anything.
- Here. One hour.
- Thank you.
- Think we'll get there on time?
- We've got two hours.
You want this last piece?
You're not getting it. I'll take it.
- Why did you ask me, then?
- I didn't ask you.
I asked Mike for the same reason
you proposed to Lisa. It sounds nice.
- That's cold.
- I thought you'd understand my doubts.
After the way you treated me
when I proposed.
When I said I'd propose, you said:
"Why are you busting up the group?"
You just shouldn't follow her. She
should move where you are. Be a man!
That's bull. She has a good job,
so I'm gonna follow her.
Nigger, you need some panties.
Mike, tell this ignorant Negro, please.
I'll put it this way. I see what
you're saying, but Slim got a point.
What about Alicia?
What about her? That was high school.
She went to Columbia, I got into S.C.
- You also got into New York University.
- Damn, he's right.
So now what?
Stay, let's talk about this.
Let's talk about Alicia. Lying bitch.
We've been in the Wood for years.
You're talking about leaving?
- I'm getting married.
- What time? So I can be there.
Nobody said a thing
when you went to Italy.
- That was to play ball. I love ball.
- I love Lisa.
Then why aren't we at the wedding?
"Because I'm a punk."
That's the answer, Ro.
I can solve all your problems. We're
gonna do this the old-school style.
- I've got Jennifer Lopez.
- No, I've got J.L. Here.
- You've got Janet Jackson.
- I always had Janet Jackson.
- You've got Lisa Davis.
- Your player card's revoked.
- Let's do this.
- One nice one.
- That's me. I'm the closest.
- You always do that!
- Remember the bet?
- Do you, Mike?
I do. Do you?
St. Bernard's High School.Lots of memories here.High school was a different world,but with the same objective: Girls.High school was nice. Still beautifulgirls, but instead ofjust booty-
- they had legs, hips, breasts...And I'm a breast man.
How you doing?
- What's up?
- Checking out some fine-assed girls.
First day of school is always the best.
Go grab a piece of booty.
It's full of possibilities. For us, thatmeant sex, the wild thing, the nasty.
- See you later.
- Leave the waddy-haired girls alone.
- You're jealous.
- Stop calling girls that, man.
Look at that.
- Yeah, so?
- You gonna let Eric mack your girl?
- What's up?
After that dance,me and Alicia talked.We were a couple for the standardthree weeks. But we stayed friends.
- We're juniors now. Buckle down.
- Yeah. Ain't it a trip, though?
- Meet me at the library at five.
- Why? It's the first day of school.
- Ms Quiano is giving us a test.
- For real? I'll meet you there.
- I'll see you later.
- Yeah, me too.
That girl is still fine.
You should've stayed with that.
Come on. I'm onto bigger
and better things now.
- Like what?
- Like your mama, nigger!
- It's on me.
- You're crazy. It's on me, man.
- Mike, spin it again.
- No, this isn't for real.
Yeah, I'm tired of not getting
any coochie. We're juniors, man.
I need something real. Females get
way too much power with this shit.
It's like they ain't giving it up.
I've been after Monica for two months.
- It's time to move on, man.
I'm not warming her up to let the
next nigger hit the jackpot. I'm close.
This has to be our year.
We're the head niggers now. Juniors.
You're on varsity
and I'm looking better every day.
Nigger, as pretty as you are,
you still ain't getting no pussy.
- I bet I'll be the first to get some.
- I'm gonna get Monica soon.
- Put your money where your dick is.
- Yes, in your nostrils!
You're always clowning.
It's because you know I'll win the bet.
The first one to get some pussy
gets five bucks.
But to keep it from going on forever, -
- if in a month no one gets none,
we put in five bucks more.
- I'm with it.
- Okay, I'm in.
Let the games begin, baby.
When are we gonna make this real?
- Stop, Slim!
- Why don't you want to do it?
I was just thinking
we could make this a physical thing.
- I'm not ready.
- How long have we been going out?
A week and a half.
- What are you doing?
- Let's do something else.
We could make love.
- Don't say that. You don't love me.
- It sounds better than "bone".
You want me to let you
put that inside me? That's so nasty.
I could get blue balls. My shit
could just swell up and explode.
You remember that fool Andrew?
That nigger still ain't walking.
- Nasty? It's natural. Suck on it.
- You need to back up. That's nasty.
- Why wait for what you can get now?
- Because it's in the Bible.
You're already on the wrong path.
Do you think I'm a ho?
You let Terry bone.
I look better than that.
Come on, girl.
I'll buy you something. What you want?
I had a girlfriend.But Alicia was my friend, you know?We could talk about anything.Boyfriends, girlfriends... It was cool.
- Why say that?
- Why not? Explain her reasoning.
We're doing everything but it.
Doing it ain't easy.
You don't just walk up to a girl and say:
"What's up? Can we get busy?"
- Everything's got to be right, right?
- Right, it's got to be special.
- I heard that before.
- Well, hear it again.
- Don't trick her into doing it.
- I don't need tricks. My game is strong.
- Then how come you ain't getting any?
- Oh, you got jokes.
Girls act like they don't want it
as bad as we do.
- That is not true.
- Yes, it is.
You ain't got nothing to say.
Maybe you need to find somebody
who wants it as bad as you do.
Maybe I do.
We won't get no studying done.
- All right.
- And you need to work on your game.
What are you wearing to homecoming?
- I got a suit from last year's...
- Are you too cheap to buy a new suit?
Times are rough.
I ain't trying to spend no more money.
- So, are you going with... Eric?
- You know his name. Come on.
Yeah, I'm going with Eric.
You're going with Kim, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Is Eric someone special?
- You tell me. You play ball with him.
- He's cool. If that's what you want.
- He's all right.
- Is Bonita somebody special?
She's special enough.
I knew she'd say yes if I asked her.
Did you ask her
only because you knew she'd say yes?
- Are you afraid of rejection?
- All the brothers ask you...
- Not all the brothers.
- What are you wearing to the dance?
- A little fly red dress.
- Do you wanna see it?
- Yeah, of course.
Her bedroom.I always wanted to get up here.
Here it is.
- Do you like it?
- Yeah, it's beautiful.
- Where's your mom and Stacey?
- My mom's working late.
- Stacey's out running the streets again.
- Down, boy.We're slow jamming tonight.If you've got any dedications, call us.This next one goes out to Lisafrom Terence. Glenita, I love you.
- How sweet.
- Here's Luther Vandross.
I love this.
Do you remember this song?
- La Tijera, .
- La Tijera, . See?
- I remember when I first met you.
- You met me with your fist.
- Right. You and that stupid bet.
- That bet wasn't stupid.
It was. That's why you got the fist.
You three probably bet on
who'd get the booty first, didn't you?
- Booty first?
Come on, that's stupid.
You and your little nasty friends.
- Do you remember that dance?
- Yeah, I remember.
I remember you standing there.
I just had to ask you,
even though I was scared to death.
I'm glad you asked me, Mike.
You dance pretty good
for a guy with two left feet.
I think I've improved. For real.
- You want to find out?
- Do you want to dance?
- Right now?
- While the mood is right.
This is how we do it in North Carolina.
You know, I still love this part.
My God, is this really about to happen?Shit, it is.
- You've got protection, right?
- Yeah, it's here.
One of Slim's condoms that'ssix months old, but work with me.
I'll be right back.
You okay, Mike?
Yeah, it's cool.
Is it supposed to look like that?
Yeah... I guess.
If you hurt me, the fist.
- What are you doing?
- What do you think?
- Not there.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Maybe you should back up a little bit.
- Come on, girl.
- It broke.
- Get another one.
We don't need one, do we?
Damn, that was my last one.
Go to Stacey's room.
He keeps them in his top drawer.
- I ain't going to his room.
- Do you want to do this or what?
I can't believe
I've got to do this shit.
Oh my God, Mike!
Come on. She said the top drawer.
Baby, hurry up.
The things men do for sex.I was stuck with no way out.Stacey was getting lucky while I wasstuck with dirty drawers in my face!
What happened to your rubbers?
You had four rubbers.
- I counted. Now one's gone.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- What ho are you fucking?
- No ho but you.
Don't call me no ho.
Shut up and take me home.
- I was just playing.
- Take me home now!
- What happened?
I got it. It all worked out.
I guess that means
this was meant to be.
Yeah, I guess so.
I'm actually having sex, and with Alicia!This cannot be real.Oh, yeah, this is real.Real good.
So that's it?
Yeah... that's it.
- So what's gonna happen now?
- I don't know. What?
What about me and you?
Me and you sounds good.
What about homecoming?
You're just going to have to buy
a new suit.
So I won the bet.But I didn't feel right, betting.This was Alicia, you know?She was worth more than money.So I didn't tell Slim and Rolanduntil after one of them won.
I never in a million years thought -
- that I would meet Miss Right.
When I asked Lisa, I kept thinking
of all the things I'd be gaining.
But I never took the time to think
of all the things I'd be losing.
We ain't going nowhere.
Don't give up the best thing you'll
ever get because you're scared.
You're right, man.
- So what are you saying?
- I'm ready to marry Lisa.
Yes, yes, yes!
Let me ask you something.
Are you absolutely sure on this?
Yeah, I just said.
That's good enough for me.
- When you see Lisa...
- Where the hell have you all been?
- Slim had...
- Car trouble? As if we'd buy that!
- You're a writer. Would you believe it?
- We spent a fortune on this wedding.
Why are you getting on me?
I'm not the one getting married.
- Good point.
- If I had to look at him, I'd kill him.
Come on. And you better stay.
If he doesn't want to, I'm not
gonna force him. Call it off, then.
You all must think I'm stupid.
Car broke down?
He could at least face me like a man!
I'm not gonna cry. I spent
too much time on this damn make-up!
- Just stay calm.
- I am calm.
- Then why are you yelling?
- I'm not!
I'll get Ro so you can talk to him.
- No, it's bad luck to see him.
- I thought you wanted to call it off.
Mike, would I be standing here in this
dress if I didn't want to marry him?
- But I won't if he has doubts.
- Lisa, it's Daddy.
- Roland wants to say something.
- Lisa, baby, I'm sorry.
Lisa, I love you.
I want to marry you.
- Go away!
- Come on, girl. Please.
- You need to get out of here.
- I need to see her.
- She won't see you. It's bad luck.
- So she still wants to get married?
- I don't know. Let me handle it.
- All right.
Just give her this.
Give her this.
- Mike, let me get in there.
- What do you want, man?
- Hey, man...
- I'll be cool, Mike.
- Now's not the time.
- I'll be cool.
- I'll be cool.
- Hook me up.
- What's up? People are waiting.
- Shut up, Slim.
- You probably told him not to do it.
You're perfect for each other
because you're both nuts.
- Nigger, shut up!
- Listen to him. He wants to marry you.
- Then why did he do this?
- He's scared.
I've known him years -
- and I've never heard him talk about
anybody the way he talks about you.
He wanted me to give that to you.
- Remember that?
- I didn't know he still had this.
It was hot that day at the concert.
Roland and Slim drooled over you.
There wasn't no... I was drooling.
Slim went over to you
and what did he say?
- He introduced me to Roland.
- Think about that.
- That could be Slim out there, crying.
- You all got jokes.
- I'm glad he's got you guys for friends.
- Give me some sugar, too.
- Please take him out of his misery.
- Tell him to stop whining.
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
Oh, it's on.
Did you clean it up?
Hurry up before the reverend
changes his mind.
What a joyous occasion
when two come together as one.
Who amongst us
will give this woman to this man?
You mess up,
I'm going to have to cut you.
May we have the rings?
I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
I never thought Roland would getmarried. I'm glad to see things change.
- What are you doing?
- You scared me.
I'm trying to hide from Tanya.
She talks too damn much.
We better get in before
Alicia beats his ass again.
- You better run back up in there.
- Tanya's got you cornered, too.
- "Ro, can I have something to drink?"
- "Okay, Tanya."
Very funny. You should be
taking notes from Roland.
- Tonight I'm gonna win the bet.
- Let me explain something to you.
Tanya ain't giving up shit
and you're still on lock-down.
- Then why are you here with me?
- We came looking for you.
- I'm with him.
- Oh, you're with him?
You got me, man!
It's not natural to be with one girl.
That just ain't me.
Right. That's what
I've been trying to tell Mr Faithful.
What if she's the shit,
like Janet Jackson fine?
No matter. No woman's
going to put a leash around my neck.
I can't even button my shirt to the top
without getting nervous.
- We should play this game for life.
- What game?
- Macking... Hanging.
- I like that.
- Ain't that Nichole?
- I'd recognise them legs anywhere.
Ro, run me a little interference
What did we know? All that matteredwere your boys, the team.
- We didn't think other things mattered.
- I thought I'd have to dance with Eric.
- That was funny.
- Where are your boys at?
- I don't know. Let's go inside.
- Let me fix you up here.
You hold on to that feelinguntil you meet that one.It happened to Roand it'll happen to Slim.Me? I was a goner that first dayshe walked into my classroom.
- May I have this dance, Madame?
- Yes, you may.
- How is life in the Big Apple?
- I still haven't got used to it.
- Finally made it back to Inglewood?
The wedding gave me a good reason
to come back and see an old friend.
- I haven't seen Roland in years.
- You came all the way to see him?
- And Slim, too.
- And Slim?
But you're dancing with me.
So, how cold is it back east?
Let's start this off.
You got the good sound.
This is the best man's toast. Get up.
Before we get started,
I have some bad news.
Reverend Parker was arrested
for impersonating a minister.
So we have to do this again next week.
I love you guys
and I'm going to turn this over to Mike.
I guess since we are the best men
we ought to say something.
We all did a lot of things
to get prepared for today.
I did a lot of thinking.
And I came to a funny conclusion.
I realised how selfish I was.
Because I felt like
I was losing a very dear friend.
That may not sound
like the right thing to say.
But I moved around a lot as a boy
and never knew what it was like -
- to have real true friends,
until I met Roland and Levinio.
You need to stop.
So today I'm a bit upset,
but I'm also very happy -
- and extremely proud of you, man.
I'd like to ask God
to bless Roland and Lisa -
- as they enter a beautiful
new life together.
If he gets out of control,
Slim got a headlock for him.
And we ain't laughing.
To our parents, you know we love
you all and thanks for all the love.
And to the two grown men
who mean the most to me, -
- I'll never forget the times we had -
- and I look forward to the future,
and I love you all.
You're my brothers.
So, let's do this one for the Wood.
- To where it all started.
- The Wood!