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Here's the haiku section where you, yes you, contribute your movie haikus and I'll post 'em up pronto. It's easy enough, just follow the structure below, which is 5 syllables, then 7, then 5. Submit your masterpieces to, and we'll alert you when your art is put on display.

The haikus which have an on top have spoilers, meaning they contain plot points that could conceivably "spoil" a movie for you. Read those at your own risk.

2001 (by dave b.)
"Open the pod doors"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that"
Excellent, Kubrick.

aliens (by samuel)
the aliens lurk
but the Company is worse
a threat from within

american beauty (by jon)
I'm Lester Burnham.
Pass the asparagus please
Normal? Look closer

american pie (by mike)
Little horny teens
Try to score on prom night but
Hump the pie instead

american psycho (by twisted cow)
a woman directs
bateman goes buckwild while nude
not as good as book

army of darkness (by Erik)
Ash goes back in time
Klaatu Verata Nicto
The Deadites attack

arthur (by seth)
arthur, a rich drunk
gives all for low-class linda
and then gets it back

being john malkovich (by simon)
On floor 7 point 5
A portal to Malkovich
Puppetry ensues

the birds (by marie)
hitch is a sadist
hitch is a misogynist
hitch is for the birds

big trouble in little china (by reverend ez)
have i paid my dues?
you know what jack burton says
check is in the mail

blair witch project (by dave b.)
kids with camcorders
go into woods, scared shitless
paid eight bucks for this?

boogie nights (by jk)
kid with footlong dick
dishwasher no more, he's huge!
a porn fall-from-grace

bram stoker's dracula (by reverend ez)
oldman with hair-butt
romances nina with past
safe sex? not likely

the breakfast club (by mike)
Stuck in detention
Teens smoke weed and discuss life
Then they all make out

breakfast club (by princess kitty)
fighting adulthood
in saturday detention
The five become one

can't hardly wait (by mike)
Prez loves Amanda
Awkward sex in the bathroom
Someone called me fag

casablanca (by NASCIJO)
sings as time goes by
ilsa remembers paris
it's rick or laszlo

chasing amy (by dave b.)
Holden falls in love
with a girl who isn't straight.
Nickname? Finger Cuffs

bugs (by hov g.)
taller than a man
a wise-guy extraordinaire
wascally wabbit!

chicken run (by MarjieH)
ginger chicken plots
spiced by mel's cocksure acting
kiddies turn vegan

citizen kane (by marie)
a big head, in bed
"rosebud," he said -- then dropped dead;
just give him his sled

citizen kane (by hov g.)
the broken present
a rich old man's dying words - -
it's just a damn sled

city lights (by marie)
frankly, I prefer
amnesiac millionaires
to blind flower girls

clerks (by iceman)
hockey on the roof
not even supposed to work
Jay and Silent Bob.

a clockwork orange (by NASCIJO)
alex and his drogs
into ultra violence
was sick, now is cured

crouching tiger, hidden dragon (by fuzzy)
the theft of a sword
and discovery of love
ends in tragedy

das boot (by hov g)
bogey pulls the queen
kate stays calm, urges him
ka-boom! das boot sinkt.

deuce bigelow (by milly)
stocky, but well formed
you might want to take him home
margarita fish

deuce bigalow (by melvazord)
deuce bigalo is
good value for ten dollars
he ass punches ho's

dogma (by dave b.)
renegade angels
go to Jersey, go to church
morissette as god

dolemite (by jon
No one saw this flick
but no one really cared much
all cry for kevin

end of days (by princess kitty)
arnold has problems
it's a devil's advocate
rip-off, totally.

evil dead (by Erik)
Book of the dead found
Demons possess Ash's friends
Ash buries girlfriend

evil dead 2 (by Erik)
Girlfriend back to life
Chainsaw, Ash cuts of his hand
Open time portal

the faculty (by mr. pink)
Cute Loner Must Run
Run From The Alien Queen
But Casey Saves Her

fifth element (by MarjieH)
leelu runs away
diva's gallstones kill her song
can bruce save the world?

fight club (by milly)
Fresh made soap divine
Bruises a badge of honor
A place to belong

fight club (by dave b.)
soap with human fat
tyler durden isn't real
jack shoots own face off

fight club (by katie)
Jack is on a plane
meets a single serving friend
don't shoot at the van!

fight club (by hays)
narrator can't sleep
He finds tyler and fight club
no more skyscrapers

fight club (by thomas)
cream of broccoli
pitt likes to point when he talks
Sell me my own ass?

fight club (by iceman)
I am jack's bruised face
yesterday I dripped with blood
today i'm swollen.

flash gordon (by reverend ez)
queen did the music
including the wedding march
rank as the acting

the full monty (by twisted cow)
five guys with no jobs
take their clothes off for a crowd
and 'leave their hats on'

go (by dave b.)
lots of clubbing kids
go to rave, pop ecstacy
taye diggs steals a car

the gold rush (by marie)
tramp, tramp through the snow
those dancing dinner roll blues
made him eat his shoes

gone in 60 seconds (by reverend ez)
great actors wasted
2d duval, cage, jolie
cars acted better

the good, the bad, and the ugly (by gene)
Blondie nearly missed
The devil bit Tuco's ass
Blondie saved him, though

the good, the bad, and the ugly (by gene)
Tuco knows the place
Blondie knows which grave it is
Tuco digs it up

good will hunting (by iceman)
will is really smart
he pushes people away
skyla stole his heart

the grinch (by hov g.)
big, mean, o so green
too long for a large popcorn
I'll watch the cartoon.

half baked (by mike)
Kenny goes to jail
Buddies try to bail him out
By selling kind herb

hard eight aka Sydney (by jk)
retired hitman
takes loser under his wing
love comes, death follows

i'll do anything (by seth)
james brooks was right to
cut out the songs; who would want
to hear nolte sing?

it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world (by marie)
character actors
lots of character actors
but no character

it's a wonderful life (by marie)
God, help my friend George
he's trapped in this two-bit town
and this cornball film

jaws 3 (by dave b.)
Mediocre film
And at the climax there's a
giant Muppet show.

jaws: the revenge (by dave b.)
worst film ever made
shark only goes for brodys
has E.S.P. too

kicking and screaming (by brooks)
for English majors
The worst reality check
is graduating.

kids (by marie)
all those naughty kids
great film, but almost child porn
peter pan it's not

kinetoscopic record of a sneeze (fred ott's sneeze) (by marie)
edison's suppressed
sequel to this early film:
fred ott's flatulence

king kong (by marie)
tall, dark, and handsome
the eighth wonder of the world
beauty killed the beast

lolita (by katie)
a pervert moves in
kills mom so he can have lo
poor guy, lo leaves him

magnolia (by mike)
P.T. Anderson
I want eight bucks and three plus
Hours of my life back.

man on the moon (by lexi)
Kaufman gets cancer
Not just another dumb prank
Tank you Veddy Much

man on the moon (by jay)
milos forman makes
superior movies but
man in the moon ain't

man on the moon (by yuse)
can it be andy?
no way, that kaufman guy's dead.
jim's best role ever

marnie (by marie)
whoa! bernard herrmann
plays that damned tune over and
over and over ...

the matrix (by dreamer)
Is life what it seems
or is it really a dream
Whoa! Wake up Neo

me myself and irene (by reverend ez)
jim back to sight gags
including his rubber friend
counts as a threesome?

mission impossible 2 (by Tina)
Slow-mo action stunts
Pigeons fly, masks tear, hair falls
perfectly. Boring.

monty python and the holy grail (by MarjieH)
five brits' funny bits
grail's not found but curtains are
lazy ending stinks

monty python and the holy grail (by hov g.)
coconuts follow
to honor the Marx brothers?
no. just makes horse sense.

my best friend's wedding (by little bumblebee)
She never loved him
Until the boy was taken
Can she get him back?

the naughty nineties (by marie)
-who is on first, bud?
-that's right, lou, who is on first
-the first baseman? -who

niagra, niagra (by katie)
twitch PUSSY twitch twitch
I want a black bobbi head
i'll steal it, get shot.

night of the living dead (by Erik)
Cemetary trip
Radiation from space
Zombies everywhere

north by northwest (by marie)
innocent man runs
Manhattans to Mount Rushmore
always on the rocks

phenomenon (by seth)
guy's hit by lightning
becomes really smart, then dies
from super tumor

planet of the apes (the first one) (by NASCIJO)
astronaut is lost
zira does a dolittle
talks to animal

the postman (by twisted cow)
No one saw this flick
but no one really cared much
all cry for kevin

pretty in pink (by princess kitty)
Andie wants to trade
a duckie for a pink dress
who says she has to?

psycho (by marie)
boy loves his mother,
boy meets girl, boy loses girl,
boy *is* his mother

pump up the volume (by reverend ez)
happy harry's show
chris rips off nicholson's tude
kids riot like "fame"

rear window (by marie)
those nosy neighbors
will be getting a call from
the A.C.L.U.

the royal tenenbaums (by jk)
royal's first theory:
kids hate me, wife wants divorce...
cancer should solve it.

rudy (by mike)
Ninety minutes and
Rudy goes in for one play?

rushmore (by seth)
boy loves his teacher
so does extremely rich guy
helps rich guy get her

salt of the earth (by marie)
a stink over zinc
goes to the brink; women think
while brown men turn pink

say anything (by seth)
lloyd is a nebbish
falls hard for that diane girl
and plays "in your eyes"

scarface (by gene)
Manny wed Gina
against Anthony's warning
that didn't last long

scarface (by gene)
Franks hitmen failed him
"We f***ed up, he got away"
Frank's a "cockaroach"

scarface (by gene)
Hector was evil
He did business the wrong way
Poor Angel was cut

shakespeare in love (by hov g.)
boy meets girl, meets boy
. boy gets girl, boy gets big part
boy is girl. oh boy.

showgirls (by mike)
Bad acting, bad script
Lots of sex and naked chicks
How is this not porn?

silence of the lambs (by reverend ez)
hannibal's bad taste
is only exceded by
b bill's fashion sense

singing in the rain (by marie)
hey, you idiot
get down off of that lamp post
you'll catch pneumonia

the sixth sense (by lexi)
I see dead people
Only Bruce Willis can help
Oh no, not him too!

sleepy hollow (by sarah)
sunken cheek Johnny
plays lost and found with horseman
finds love and corpses.

sling blade (by bodhilama)
carl's sane he's free now
meets that boy and his mama
kills Doyle mmm hmmm

south park: the movie (by mike)
Kids see dirty film
Parents blame the dumb Canucks
Why the giant clit?

st. elmo's fire (by princess kitty)
like streaks in the sky
drugs, sex, take the place of life
All an illusion

star wars episode 1 (by reverend ez)
"i'm a person and..."
"weesah gonna die? how wude!"
Why, why, why, george, why?

star wars episode 1 (by dave b.)
jar jar binks sucks ass
darth maul should have sliced him up
don't come back in Two.

the straight story (by seth)
old guy on tractor
drives down lots of empty roads
to see his brother

stripes (by reverend ez)
bill in his glory
winnebago with rockets
that's the fact, jack, huh!

superman (by marie)
a skin-tight outfit
a fortress of solitude
can you read my mind?

swingers (by mike)
You’re a big bear, man
So forget about Michelle
You’re so money, babe

swingers (by treefiddy)
Friends head for Vegas.
Mike mopes for his ex-girlfriend,
then comes Heather Graham.

the talented mr. ripley (by mr. pink)
gay guy is real pissed
his crush doesn't love him back
kills him with an oar

the 39 steps (by marie)
mister memory
you would think he'd remember
to keep his mouth shut

the three faces of eve (by lexi)
Eve White, Eve Black, Jane
Which one will take over her?
Make these voices stop!

titan a.e. (by reverend ez)
new "heavy metal"?
more like re-hashed, disney crap
pans gave me seizures

the usual suspects (by NASCIJO)
who's keyser soze?
the cripple tells a story
and like that, he's gone

vertigo (by samuel)
can't stand heights; can't stand
stairs; but, mostly, he can't stand
natural brunettes

the wild party (by seth)
queenie was a blonde
jolly grimm was a bastard
everybody dies

wild things (by mike)
Pretty cool movie
But I only watch the scene
Where the chicks have sex

wrongfully accused (by treefiddy)
Could this have been worse?
Lame pathetic jokes abound.
Give it up, Nielsen.

wuthering heights (olivier version) (by seth)
what's the point of this?
ends with the death of Catherine
just the book's first half