Correction: Apocalypse, thy name is Garfield.
Have you seen the Garfield trailer yet? It's literally the most horrifying thing I've seen since I was chained to a chair and forced to sit through "Who's That Girl" back in the 80's. This trailer is all kinds of wrong. I cry at night know that a person who actually got paid to write the line "Get ready for some frisky business". I'm traumatized by the image of Garfield swirling his tushie, all Cameron Diaz style, to the Risky Business tune. I'm nauseated by...well, I could go on and deconstruct every moment and write a thesis on this trailer, but I'll spare you and just give you my main probs with this unholy mess.
1. Umm...correct me if I'm wrong, but the Garfield I remember is lazy and slothful. Attributes I respect. This Garfield gives the impression that somebody slipped some crystal meth in his lasagna. Boo.
2. If you're going to make Garfield with CGI, why would you not make Odie CGI as well? I won't even whine that Garfield doesn't look like Garfield, that's the nature o' the computer graphics route. But this Odie has no resemblance whatsoever to the drooling slobbering idiot from the strip. Feh.
3. Breckin Meyer and Jennifer Love Hewitt?!? To the producers' credit, maybe they were looking to cast the least charismatic human beings on the planet in order to put the focus on the critters. They succeeded.
4. Garfield seems more like Bill Murray (Thank you, thank you very much) than Garfield. And shame on you, Bill Murray. You make me dig you all over again by working with Wes Anderson and Sofia Coppola, and then you whore out for this. Remember when Annette Bening was the favorite to win the Oscar for American Beauty? Then people saw the trailer for "What Planet Are You From?" and bolted to Ms. Swank instead. I suspect the same thing is going to happen here with Murray with his solid performance in Lost In Translation. Sure, we're supposed to judge each performance on their own, blah blah blah, but mark my words, no Golden Guy for Murray. In the immortal words of De Niro in Copland: "You blew iiiiiiiiiiiit!"
And of course, the worst part is how many freakin' sequels this is gonna spawn. Like Satan's seed in Mia Farrow, the end result ain't gonna pretty.
posted by drew on 12/16/2003
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