Find Me Guilty Poster: Vin Diesel's Secret Formula

posted by drew on 7/11/2005

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Dakota Fanning's Dreamer Poster: The Secret Formula

posted by drew on 7/10/2005

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Bats oughta keep his batarang in his utility belt.

The day would have been saved, if Vicky Vale hadn't been so clingy.It's old news that Katie Holmes was kicked to the curb as the love interest in the next Batman flick, but the newer news is that Isla Fisher is in...whoever that is. Now don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed that Katie won't be returning; she was about as believable as a district attorney as Keanu Reeves was as a doctor in Something's Gotta Give and she and Bale had as much chemistry as Bill Pullman and Ellen DeGeneres in Mr. Wrong.

But the news got me thinking...why do we need a new love interest in the next Batman movie, anyway? In almost every comic book movie I can think of, every romantic plotline where the love interest ain't also a hero or a villain has easily been the most excruciating part of the flick. And I'm not some seven year old punk who thinks that girls are icky and covers his eyes at the "mushy" parts in movies. Well...except when I'm watching Joe Pesci and Sharon Stone in Casino, but can you blame me? I dig a grown up love story like Garden State, Eternal Sunshine, When Harry Met Sally, yadda yadda.

It all goes back to the first superhero flick I saw as a wee boy, which was Superman. Man, oh man, did I love that movie...except for one part. Li'l Drew was a happy camper until all of a sudden in the middle of the film, Supes was holding hands with Lois Lane whilst flying in the clouds while Maureen McGovern's "Can You Read My Mind" played in the background! It took all the willpower a young lad could muster not to regurgitate his Fruity Pebbles, lemme tell ya.

And it hasn't gotten any better through the years; it seems there's just one Vicky Vale with many faces. So Warner Brothers, how 'bout no love interest at all in the next one? I'll be your best friend, I'll even invite you to my birthday party. Think about you know anybody who likes Vicky Vale? I can't be the only one who finds the MJ "go get 'em, tiger" parts of Spider-Man utterly pukeworthy? Hulk needs Jennifer Connelly about as much as Lindsay Lohan needs Dextrim! And that's the triple-truth, Ruth.

Related tune: La Isla Bonita by Madonna (Windows Media via

posted by drew on 7/07/2005

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Stephen Glass is now writing for The Guardian!

Actually, he's not. You see, what I just did was pull out a "fact" out of an orifice of my body that I'm positive you have zero desire to be close to, especially a couple of hours after I've eaten aloo gobi from the local Indian joint. So why I am I babbling about The Guardian, Stephen Glass, and my occasional gastric distress? Because I just read a piece about Russell Crowe in the Guardian, the Brit paper I love and cherish, which contains a couple of statements which appear to be complete fiction. Here's a link to the story about Crowe/Cinderella Man, and below are the two sentences that left my jaw agape:

So far it has made just $67m despite a budget of $117m, with many film-goers reportedly boycotting it because of the attack. If found guilty, the Oscar-winning actor could be barred from working in the US again.

As Sam Jackson so eloquently put it in Pulp Fiction..."Get the f*ck out of my face with that sh*t!"

"Many filmgoers" are boycotting the film because of Crowe's schmucky behaviour? Hardly. Can The Guardian provide any proof of this alleged boycott? Russell Crowe has been playing the aggressive fool offscreen for years now, and it's never hurt his box office. Between 2000-2004, the only movie he made that didn't clear 97 million was Proof Of Life, and that wasn't because he was reenacting scenes from Fight Club in his personal life. It's because Proof of Life sucked.

Perhaps Cinderella Man is tanking because it was released in the middle of summer where it's competing against movies like Batman Begins and War Of The Worlds. More likely, the flick has mediocre returns because it's getting reviews where some critics are referring it as "a cloying piece of fluff", "a worn-out goodwill version of Rocky," and my personal favorite, "Raging Bull-sh*t." If the public truly didn't go see movies because the star was getting oodles of press for being an ass, then War Of The Worlds would have grossed $513.92 last week.

But what really blew me away was their claim that if found guilty of assault, Russell Crowe "could be barred from working in the US again." By who? The League Of Shadows? The Guardian must be right on this one, because once they got convicted, I haven't seen a single movie with Robert Mitchum, Halle Berry, Nick Nolte, Eddie Bunker, Robert Downey Jr., Christian Slater, Hugh Grant, Tom Sizemore, Gary Busey, Charles Dutton, Mark get my point.

So c'mon Guardian, I beg of thee to live up to your self-proclaimed description of being the "best daily newspaper on the world wide web" or I'll have to insist that you change it to the Howard Beale quote "We'll tell you anything you want to hear, we lie like hell."

Update (few hours later): Reader Mancunian chimes in:

Well, if he gets convicted of assault they're perfectly correct, he could be refused a US work permit as a result of his criminal conviction.

He's not a US citizen is he? Not as far as I know anyway...

Obviously he won't be barred from working in the US again though, as the US doesn't have laws for celebrities it seems.

So technically, the Guardian is correct that he could be sort of "barred" since he doesn't bleed red, white, and blue. But there's about as much chance of that occurring as there is of Arnold Schwarzenegger picking Warren Beatty as his running mate and running on an "amnesty for illegal aliens" platform.

I do take massive offensive at Mancurian's assertian that the US doesn't have laws for celebrities, though. Of course we have laws, buddy! Everybody is treated 100% equally here. I'd say some more about it, but I'd be late for lunch with Robert Blake.

Related tune: Stop Draggin' My Heart Around by Steve Nicks & Tom Petty (mp3 via

posted by drew on 7/05/2005

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Don't do it, li'l Mark!

You know, maybe it's just me, but the first thing I thought of when I saw this new poster for Just Like Heaven (via eBay) was THE scene (consider yourself warned) in Pedro Almodovar's Talk To Her.

I can only pray that Mark Ruffalo will not bust out his spelunking gear in this film.

posted by drew on 7/03/2005

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Drew's Back (with 15% more mentholyptus)

You know what's even more annoying than being trapped in a broken elevator with Tom Cruise and the Fantanas? Bloggers that mysteriously disappear for eons and then pop up from out of the blue with some lame-assed excuse for their absence with assurances that they're here for good this time. These arrogant bloggers assume that their audience will just be glad that they're back and completely forget that the schmuck previously left them high and dry.

You know what really happens when you're gone for a long time without a goodbye and try to return? Just ask Christopher Walken in the Dead Zone, man. He thought he'd go back to being Ozzie And Harriet with his woman, but did she wait for him? Hell no! She found some other fella and made babies, leaving Mr. Walken high and dry. Walken then found himself miserable, alone, freaking out small children, and eventually riddled with bullets.

Guess I better borrow that Kevlar deal from my man Bruce for a while...

Related tune: Touch Me In The Morning by Diana Ross (real audio via focus on malaysia)

posted by drew on 7/03/2005

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Drew's Blog-O-Rama:

Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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