Office Space Vs. The Superfriends
You probably think you've lived your life to the fullest, but I hate to be the one to break it to you...you haven't. That is, unless you've seen Aquaman/Drew make his "O-face" or Batman/Michael Bolton griping about a certain no-talent ass clown. So take a measly three minutes out of your day which you'd probably spend trying to figure out what exactly P.C. load letter means anyway and check out This Place Sucks (via Waxy), a mashup of Office Space And The Superfriends. It's ten times more exciting than a game of "Jump To Conclusions" or a bucket full of flair!
And if such tomfoolery floats your boat, when you're done you can always visit some classic blasts from the past such as:
The Big He-Bowski (The Big Lebowski vs. Masters Of The Universe)
Raging Fred (The Flintstones vs. Raging Bull)
America's Biggest Dick (Dick Cheney vs. Scarface)
And it goes without saying that all these links are filled with cussing and whatnot, so unless you want your kid to have a vocabulary like Quentin Tarantino, you probably want to steer them clear of it. On the other hand, the very thought of young children reciting the "They peed on your rug!" exchange also makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. I'm mature like that.
Related tune: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta (Windows Media via Tyler's Trojan Page)
posted by drew on 2/25/2005
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Top 15 HollyWORDS Of The Year
Naturally, I'm way too uncreative and lazy to actually have come up with this list; it comes courtesy of the Global Language Monitor. I have no idea who they are or what they do, but I'm relatively sure they've put some severe sanctions on Sarah from Real World Philly, whose declarations of "How dare her!" plague my very soul. But for those of you want to see these top 15 words in action, I figured I'd be a benevolent soul and put 'em to use in a sentence so you can get the gist on how to use 'em correctly.
1. Pinot (Sideways): Recently, I compared myself to a pinot to try to show a waitress my "true self"; she suggested that unbuttered toast, being both bland and unpleasant, was a more appropriate metaphor.
2. Genius (Ray): The next film snob who tells me Lars Von Trier is a genius is going to be smacked...hard.
3. Hand Washing (Aviator, etc): I've tried obsessively hand washing for months, but I suspect I'll always feel unclean ever since my hand accidentally grazed against a White Chicks DVD.
4. "Mo chuisle" (Million Dollar Baby): In Million Dollar Baby, Clint Eastwood was originally going to buy a robe for Hilary Swank that read "girlie tough" but since they were out he settled for Mo chuisle.
5. Gipper (The Knute Rockne Story): My theory is that James Brolin's portrayal of The Gipper (Ronald Reagan), not pneumonia, was what led to his demise.
6. Neverland (Finding Neverland): Remember the good old days when Neverland conjured up images of boys refusing to grow up instead of...well...ewwww?
7. Antiquity (Troy, etc.): In the eyes of Roman Polanski, Lindsay Lohan is probably an antiquity by now.
8. OCD (The Aviator): The portrayal of people with OCD in transparent attempts to win an Oscar is going to be the wave of the future. The wave of the future. The wave of the future.
9. Girlie Men (Arnold): When Chris Rock implied that only girlie men watch the Oscars, he pretty much ensured that he was no longer going to be invited to Orlando Bloom's Oscar parties.
10. Yo! (Garden State): Yo, Zach! I beg of thee, please tell me that Mandy freakin' Moore is the one who makes you like you're at a Motel 6 and not like you're "home"?
11. Animation (Incredibles, etc.): Due to her excessive use of Botox, Nicole Kidman is no longer able to show any animation on her face whatsoever.
12. Snub (Giamatti, Saarsgard, etc): With this year's snub of actors like Paul Giamatti, Peter Saarsgard, and Javier Bardem, the Academy continues to prove it's about as good a judge of talent as anybody who publishes Michael Medved.
13. Small screen (Depp, DiCaprio, etc.: With flicks like Hitch and Welcome To Mooseport, isn't it clear that we must ensure by any means necessary that stars of CBS comedies like Kevin James and Ray Romano need to stay on the small screen instead of further polluting the big one?
14. Frass (Sideways): The people who created this "relevant" list insist that the word frass from Sideways has profoundly influenced the English Language, but have you ever heard a person say this word? Ever?
15. Fahrenheit (Fahrenheit 9/11): I had a really good line I was going to use about a certain fella who's not a fan of Fahrenheit 9/11, but I hear the weather in Guantanamo is unbearable this time of year.
Related tune: No More Words by Berlin (Windows Media via cdzlimited.org)
posted by drew on 2/21/2005
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Yet another reason Blockbuster is evil.
The front page of Blockbuster's site reads "The end of late fees. The start of more." On the next page (which has "nolatefees" in the URL), Roy Orbison croons "It's over," and Blockbuster brags about how "There are no more late fees at Blockbuster."
Call me crazier than Lara Flynn Boyle on a trans-Atlantic flight, but based on their website and their massive P.R. campaign, wouldn't you get the impression that Blockbuster no longer charges late fees?
You'd be dead wrong.
According to Hacking Netflix, Blockbuster is back to...umm....charging late fees. 99 cents a day they say, and anywhere from $.75 a day to $2.00 daily depending on your locale, according to the comments.
I guess by "the start of more", they mean "the start of more late fees."
Sort of kills the whole concept, no?
And yeah, yeah, I understand the concept of franchises. But if corporate HQ can't force their individual franchisees to not sodomize their customers, then making a big hoopla over "the end" while thousands of customers are bending over on a daily basis reeks of hypocrisy out the wazoo.
Related tune: Lyin' Eyes by The Eagles (Real Audio via terrificmusic.com)
posted by drew on 2/07/2005
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