Maria Full Of Grace script is online, baby!

Just added the Maria Full Of Grace screenplay; check it out here! Could my site possibly be in more desperate need of a redesign, y'think?

Regardless, this is the kind of news that makes me want to burst out in song, so with apologies to Steven Sondheim and West Side Story...

I've just met a mule named Maria,
And she can down a grape
My mouth was left agape

She's perfect to move hero-ween-a,
She swallowed it all whole,
She'd best not tell a soul,

If only my boss knew that I could quit my job at any time to pursue my true calling as a lyricist, she wouldn't make me go fill her water bottle so many times each day.

Related tune: Maria from West Side Story (Real Audio via

posted by drew on 12/12/2004

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Sweet, sweet vindication.

Remember that post I did about Kate Bosworth where I intimated that she might not be the sharpest tool in the shed? Or know how to spell "tool" or "shed"?

Looks like my buddy Yams found some video evidence to prove how tragically right I was.

You know, if everybody took a little time out of their day to research and prove my wild and baseless accusations, the world would truly be a better place. Is that so much to ask?

Related tune: Don't Know Much About History by Sam Cooke (Real Audio via

posted by drew on 12/11/2004

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I Love Jews.

I love Jews.

Google on the other hand...not so much.

(Found via Gawker)

Update: My peeps are just too damn loveable for overt search engine conversion techniques, and Google no longer attempts the correction. A real mensch, that Google is!

Related tune: The Winner Takes It All by Abba (mp3 via

posted by drew on 12/08/2004

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Justin Timberlake Returns To Omeletteville: The World Is Safe For Another Day.

You remember that part in Superman when Lois Lane's car gets swallowed by the earth and she chows dirt 'til she expires? How Supes was so darn pissed about how painfully tragic it was that he flew around the earth over and over 'til time was reversed and she was no longer swallowed by the earth? And all was well again, like the horror had never even occurred?

Seems that CHUD, the guys whose story I linked to 'bout Mr. Timberlake as Iron Man, has now posted another story in which the producer of the upcoming flick has gone on record as saying no way on Timberlake.

Glory, Hallelujah! Can I get an amen?

And all I had to do was make a pact with the Almighty that I wouldn't be so judgmental of people that pay money to see movies like Christmas With The Kranks and Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid. And I'm going to keep to that pact...for at least 24 hours.

I never claimed to be a strong man.

Related tune: Looks Like We Made It by Barry Manilow (Real Audio via

posted by drew on 12/07/2004

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Justin Timberlake Is Iron Man. I done cried me a river.

Yup, according to CHUD, the boy who made Janet's boob into a megastar is set to horrify even more people by playing Tony Stark in Nick Cassavetes's Iron Man. As the Comic Book Guy might say...could this project possibly be any more worthy of my mocking and derision?

First off, Nick Cassavetes. I'd feel bad for the guy if he didn't keep getting work. I mean, he's the spawn of the uber-talented John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands, and let's face it...he's a hack. Here is his entire filmography as a director: Unhook The Stars, She's So Lovely, John Q, and The Notebook. Does anybody dig these flicks? The only notable thing I remember from any of these "films" is Sean Penn pondering "Where the f*ck did hair come from? What is hair?" in She's So Lovely.

Papa would be so proud.

As for Timberlake, that's just shooting fish in a barrel. Iron Man is a man; Mr. Omeletteville is a boy. Yeah, yeah, he's 23, but I'm sure the little bastard still has to show ID to go see Closer. Tom Cruise almost took this role, and he's 42; that's one hell of an age swing for casting. Not to mention the whole, you know, lack of talent thing. If it were up to me, his ass would be moonwalking to the unemployment line right about now.

Every studio needs to pay attention to history or they are doomed to repeat it. If you choose the director of Usual Suspects to helm your comic book movie, you wind up with X-Men. If you choose the director of Simon Birch to direct your comic book movie, you wind up with Daredevil. So is it a wise decision to fork out a ton of money to make a comic movie with the director of John Q, with the ex-lead singer of 'N Sync starring as icing on the cake?

This ain't rocket science, people.

Related tune: Iron Man 1966 Animated Theme (Real Audio via

posted by drew on 12/06/2004

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Dark Water Trailer & Poster: Jennifer Connelly is slumming., Jennifer Connelly sure doesn't have a lot of luck in the abode department on the big screen these days. Check out the Quicktime trailer for her upcoming flick Dark Water and you too shall know her woe. And click the pic to embiggen the poster, in which Jennifer Connelly either has a much smaller waist than I remember, had her image photoshopped a tad, or is into some serious corset action.

Okay, back to the Dark Water trailer. It looks sort of like House Of Sand and Fog, except instead of battling bureaucracy and big bad Ben, her foes are ghosts and...water. A lot of it. Spoooooky water. Ten times more spooky than that Wonder Twin on the Superfriends. You'll never...umm...look at a leaky faucet the same way again! The thing that impressed me the most about this trailer is that it's a remake of a Japanese horror flick that has evil water, restless undead, spooky elevators, black blobs on the ceiling, and a eerie child that draws things that kiddies shouldn't draw. They broke the mold when they made this one, I tell ya. I'll keep my fingers crossed that there's a pale, meowing, Asian child in a deleted scene on the DVD.

Why, in the name of all that is holy, would Walter Salles do this movie? He's coming off oodles of respect for Central Station and The Motorcycle Diaries, and this is his choice for his American debut? I'm a huge Salles fan, so I'll let him slide on this one, but if he chooses direct something like the Love Bug sequel next, he's officially off my cool list. And the list is life.

As for Jen Connelly, if she doesn't change her trajectory as well, we'll probably be seeing her in a Money Pit remake soon enough. And there are few things more shameful on this earth than taking a role that Shelley Long once inhabited.

Dark Water Poster via Bloody-Disgusting.

Related tune: Black Water by The Doobie Brothers (mp3 via

posted by drew on 12/05/2004

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Awards and nominations and festivals (oh my!)

Normally, I'd give my two cents on all of these, but I've got Meryl Streep on the other line, and she's trying to get me to help her imitate a dial tone. So just for facts for now; my hands are going to be tied for a while.

Chew on these newly announced honors 'til I return:

2004 National Board Of Review Winners
2004 British Independent Independent Film Awards Winners
2004 Gotham Awards Winners
2004 Independent Spirit Awards Nominations
2005 Sundance Film Festival Lineup

Related tune: Strictly Business by EPMD (Windows Media via

posted by drew on 12/01/2004

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Drew's Blog-O-Rama:

Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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