Is my Dakota bashing coming to an end?

Hey, have you seen the new Hide And Seek trailer yet? I was pleasantly caught off-guard at what seems to be the creepiest part of this flick. No, I don't mean the prospect of Robert De Niro and Elisabeth Shue getting it on all Leaving Las Vegas-style, although that could possibly wind up leading to the least sexy sex scene in a flick since De Niro and Ellen Barkin shtupped in This Boy's Life. And nope, I don't mean that part where Dylan Baker is alone with a small child, even though it's pretty much impossible to see that kind of thing without conjuring up images of tuna sandwiches and incredibly wrong lovin' in Happiness. I'm talking about Dakota Fanning finally being utlilized in a manner that is seemingly non-vomit inducing, which is quite a refreshing surprise!

As I've griped about in the past (the phrase "manufactured pseudo-adultness" comes to mind), Dakota Fanning just plain rubs me the wrong way. Feh on all those Uptown Girls and Man On Fire roles, which are all just slight variations on the exact same 40 year-old with a uptight exterior who really just wanna wuv their Creasy Bear.

But this time she's brunette, a tad trashy-looking and giving us the willies on purpose...and it actually works! For the first time ever, I think the little punk has been perfectly cast; using a creepy kid with an "imaginary friend" is a tried-and-true formula. From that pig-seeing kid in Amityville Horror, to the talking-finger freakboy in The Shining to that weirdo Stir Of Echoes youngun, these movies always work at minimum as cheesy fun.

But if you really want to get the willies, check out the IMDB message board for Ms. Fanning and the ongoing debate on whether it's cool to call this 10-year-old actress "hot" or not. Fellas, when you're arguing the hotness a kiddie who Roman Polanski, R. Kelly, and even Jerry Lee Lewis would think is way too young, that's a whole bowl of wrong.

Related tune: Young Girl by Gary Puckett (real audio via

posted by drew on 10/29/2004

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Move over Nostradamus, there's a new kid in town.

Remember way back in April when when I posted about those dueling Janis Joplin projects, one with Pink and one with uber-squintmeister Zellweger? I made I made a prediction about which project would prevail in this cinematic game of chicken? Well, not to toot my own horn, but it looks like Renee is the one who went running home to mommy.

I still say Lili Taylor would be the best choice; it would be a welcome break from her streak of playing the smiley-and-mellow-yet-sorta-insane roles. It's hard to believe she's been doing it since back in the "Joe Lies" days.

You know, making predictions on my blog sure is fun, because if I'm right I can beat triumphantly on my chest while crowing about about my divine gift of prophesy. And if I'm wrong, I can just pretend I never mentioned it in the first place...sort of like how Tom O'Neil does with the Oscars.

Related tune: I Know A Little by Lynyrd Skynyrd (windows media via

posted by drew on 10/23/2004

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Is Jim Sheridan hitting the magic stick?

Actually, I don't even know what a "magic stick" is, that was just a pitiful attempt at trying to gain some street cred. I'm relatively sure it's a drug reference...either that or an ode to male genitalia. Suffice to say, I'm using the first definition here.

Either way, I was pretty horrified when I read that the next Jim Sheridan (In America, My Left Foot) movie is going to be Locked And Loaded, starring 50 Cent as a fella who turns away from a life of crime to become a successful musician.

To quote many a Simpsons character, "Whaaaaaa?"

In America was my fave flick of last year, and I've got nothing but respect for director Jim Sheridan. Heck, he's directed Oscar-nominated performances from Richard Harris, Daniel Day-Lewis (he won), Emma Thompson, Samantha Morton, and Djimon Hounsou, and he's only made five movies in his fifteen year career. So why, in the name of all that is holy, is he choosing to spend his precious time making a cookie cutter rags-to-riches rapper story? Has he not learned from the mistakes of his respected compadre Curtis Hanson? I sat all the way through 8 Mile, and not only was it a pukey snorefest starring a godawful "actor", but I'm probably eternally scarred by the images of Emimem's unholy coitus with the hand-licking Brittany Murphy.

And what could he possibly see in 50 Cent, anyway? Just because a guy has a gaudy back tattoo does not mean he's De Niro. Has Sheridan ever seen his videos or witnessed interviews with this oft-shot bundle of joy? Mr. Cent is so wooden; I've got a childhood Simon that can emote with more authenticity! Plus, the last really talented person to take 50 under his wing was Jam Master Jay, and we all know how that turned out.

My advice to Jim Sheridan is, to quote Real McCoy (which is quite shameful, but those damned Lexus commercials have been gnawing my brain away), "Run away! Run away! Run away if you want to survive!"

Related tune: Run Away by Real McCoy (windows media via

posted by drew on 10/19/2004

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Drew's Blog-O-Rama:

Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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