It's a good day to be a fetishist.

Have you seen the first picture of Halle Berry as Catwoman?!?! She described her outfit as "very bare, very urban, very downtown."

Downtown where? Gomorrah?

I know it's easy to snipe at these things before they come out, but...MAN, IS THAT A DUMB-LOOKING COSTUME.

Maybe it's just her leg posture, leather, and seat belts attached to her midriff, but to me she looks like a reject from David Croneberg's Crash. In fact, I'll bet Rosanna Arquette would think it's over the top. Check out Michelle Pfeiffer's reaction after seeing the ensemble. The only positive thing I can think of regarding this crime against humanity is that Ben Affleck is probably happy that people will forget how utterly lame his Daredevil getup was...

posted by drew on 9/30/2003

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You can never have too much pudding.

I can think of few romantic comedies in which the main characters have a loving exchange like this:

Barry: I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna f*ckin' smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty.

Lena: I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them.

And they say romance is dead.

That scene is sort of like the Marvin getting shot in Pulp scene. Either you're cracking up and loving every minute of it, or you're grimacing in horror, praying for the movie to end as soon as humanly possible. In my book, both scenes are the epitome of hilarity.

Alas, once again I stray from what my point was to begin with. Oh yeah, it's that there's a supercool Pudding Dash online where you race around collecting Healthy Choice pudding and avoiding thugs with bats who you can run over once you take your angry pill, all while the Shelley Duvall "He Needs Me" theme plays in the background.

I kid you not. See for yourself. And if anybody looks over your shoulder and thinks you're nuts, just give 'em the ole Barry excuse of "I didn't ask for a shrink - that must've been somebody else. Also, that pudding isn't mine. Also, I'm wearing this suit today because I had a very important meeting this morning and I don't have a crying problem." Works like a charm every time.

posted by drew on 9/29/2003

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I am Cassandra, hear me roar.

I underestimated. Lost In Translation didn't triple the box office of Luther, it made almost five times more. Luther didn't even break a mill opening weekend. $730,000. It cost $34,000,000 to make, according to the IMDB. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's going to take a loss.

Good going, Regal. Perhaps the "drunkenly throwing darts against a corkboard with movie titles whilst blindfolded" is not the best way to choose what flicks you bring to town.


posted by drew on 9/28/2003

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Luther Shmuther

You've ruined my weekend, Luther! I'm not griping about the real Martin Luther, lest offended Lutherans are thinking about posting 95 theses on my door. I'm talking about the alleged snore of a movie starring the uber-lesser Fiennes, Joe. Don't trust me, just ask the New York Times whose Rotten Tomatoes quote is" As the film veers uncertainly between meticulous historical recapitulation and shameless hokum, it brings enough characters to populate a mini-series. When the historical details become too clogged, the movie shamelessly overcompensates by wallowing in cheap sentimentality."

Sounds like a winner, no?

Normally, I don't mind when some Pax-type movie comes to my local theater; I'm quite used to it by now. I'm sure Left Behind 9: Still Forgot A Couple will be front and center at my Regal upon its release. But Luther was in less than 500 theaters nationwide. And so was Lost In Translation, the sophomore effort by Sofia Coppola who knocked my socks off with The Virgin Suicides. Lost In Translation, which is making oodles of dough in limited release and opened to rave reviews. Lost in Translation, the movie I've been dying to see since I first read about it eons ago.

So which movie comes to my 'burb?

Yeah, that's right. Lucky me. The thing that really aggravates me that it doesn't even make sense from a business standpoint. I guarantee Lost In Translation will make at least triple the amount of money Luther does this weekend. It already made the highest per-screen average last week, blowing everybody else out of the water. Luther, on the other hand, will fizzle into Marci X-type box office. So why, pray tell, did they screen Luther and not Lost In Translation? Masochism? Guilt? Enron economics?

I think I'm going to go post 95 reasons why Lost In Translation would have been a better movie to screen this weekend on the door of my multiplex. Worked for Marty...

posted by drew on 9/27/2003

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Eternal Whosit of the Something Something

I can never remember the title of this unfortunately titled Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but nonetheless, I've been cautiously optimistic about seeing it. I've loved all of the Charlie Kaufman movies done by Spike Jonze (the genius Malkovich & Adaptation), I'm very fond of the effort by George Clooney (the underrated Confessions) but Kaufman's one outing with Michael Gondry produced less than stellar results (the putrid Human Nature). And to be honest, I'm not a big Jim Carrey fan. And it got pushed back from Oscar-friendly fall to the never-very-good "sometime next year."

But seeing the trailer has whet my appetite once again. From the infomercialesque opening and the surreal imagery to the perfect music (you can never, ever go wrong with E.L.O.), it's the quintessential teaser trailer. And really, what's more intriguing than the concept of being able to erase specific memories? Hopefully this flick will be the cinematic equivalment of memory erasal; perhaps after seeing it, I'll no longer have any recollection of The Majestic.

P.S. The inclusion of Kate Winslet once again, though pleasing on the eye, is purely coincidental.

posted by drew on 9/26/2003

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Harvey Pekar Vs. Alvy Singer

No, that's not a picture of me and my first girlfriend. We were much less attractive. It's Harvey Pekar (Paul Giamatti) and Joyce Brabner (Hope Davis) in American Splendor, arguably my favorite movie of the year. Jennie's too. It's quite funny, creative, well-acted, and with a soft underbelly of pathos to cleanse the palate. We highly recommend.

Anyhoo, there's quite an interesting article up in Slate today which compares American Splendor with Annie Hall. From Woody/Harvey's tastes in women to the manifestation of their agita at schmucks in public, the article is pretty darn on the money. Definitely a good read, and makes me resent that I didn't write it first. Bastards.

posted by drew on 9/24/2003

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An ill-tempered profanity-spewing baby!

No, I'm not talking 'bout Zellweger after she got spanked by Nicole Kidman at the Oscars. I'm referring to MTV2's supercool promo guy, Talking Baby. Are there any promos better than these on television at the moment? I think not. Any baby that tells pseudo-Norah Jones devotees "GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I TAKE A SWITCH TO YOU!" is a hero in my book. MTV's site has all 6 promos for your viewing pleasure. He's the best promo guy to hit MTV since Denis Leary obsessed about Cindy Crawford!

posted by drew on 9/23/2003

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Monkey Trouble

So, supposedly Peter Jackson has offered Naomi Watts the opportunity to follow in the line of Fay Wray and Jessica Lange and star in the new King Kong remake.

Big mistake.

I dig Naomi Watts, she got hosed out of a nomination for Mulholland and carried The Ring quite well. But the second that they announced that PJ was doing the big monkey flick, there was only one name that came to mind as the King's honey. And that, my friends, is Kate Winslet. As evidenced by the Holy Smoke picture you see before you.

The last time the two teamed up resulted in Heavenly Creatures, one of the finest flicks of the 90's. Plus, I hear the last time Kate did a blockbuster movie it did some decent box office...another movie that had a boat in it, if I remember correctly. And to be honest, I just don't know if I can buy the eighth wonder of the world going gaga and falling (har, har) for Naomi Watts. But what oversized simian in his right mind wouldn't take the plunge for Kate? Just ask Keitel...

posted by drew on 9/22/2003

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Pod 6 (along with the news media) was jerks!

You know what makes me mad? Besides the fact that I've never been able to buy a pair of pants without needing them to be hemmed, I mean. Harry Goz died last week. In case you don't know, he's the fella who voiced Captain Murphy on Sealab 2021. A deity in the voice actor world. The only reason I know that he's with Alvis now is because I'm a dork who reads message boards. Go to Google News and search the term "Harry Goz". Or easier, I did it already, so you can see by clicking here.

Nada. No mention of the man. And I've searched out of curiousity every few days since he died. I'm not expecting the cover of Time here, but a small mention of the death of a guy who's the star of arguably the biggest original show in the Adult Swim lineup would've been nice. Also, he holds the record for the longest running Tevye (1004 performances) in Fiddler On The Roof! Show the man some respect. Stupid mailbox heads. At least there's a site where you can hear tons of Murphy quotes. Alas, in the immortal words of Captain Murphy, "Pudding can't fill the emptiness inside me... but it'll help!"

posted by drew on 9/21/2003

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Denzel's cop out

I like Denzel Washington. He's a fine actor, and has given many a performance that's award worthy. So, don't take this the wrong way. But I saw a commercial for his new movie Out Of Time, and it came to my attention that Denzel's playing a police officer in this film. A cop. And it got me to thinking, "Boy, Denzel sure has played a cop/detective/investigator-type more than a handful of times." So I checked out his filmography on the IMDB.

Holy cats! I count at least 10. See for yourself. I think he's really done everything he could possibly do in that department, don't you think? It's a waste for a guy who's given such great diverse performances from Soldier's Story to Malcolm X to He Got Game to be pissing away his career in roles he could do in his sleep. I only bitch because I love...

posted by drew on 9/21/2003

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I'm so loved, except I'm not.

Here's the entire text of an e-mail I got a few hours ago:

drew i love your show. every day when i wait for my daughter i watch The Drew Carey Show!

I get these all the time. I've never claimed to be Drew Carey. I'll never understand why people think this is Drew Carey's website. Why not Drew Barrymore? Drew Bledsoe? Nancy Drew's Script-O-Rama? Nope, just Drew Carey. If anybody has the solution to the Mystery Of Nancy Drew's Script-O-Rama and the Smugglers of Smuggler's cove, please drop me a line. These e-mails are causing me to mark the calendar awaiting the day Kevorkian gets outta jail...

posted by drew on 9/21/2003

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The best part of Isabel was...

when I watching WNBC and Brian williams literally got blown off the screen. Kudos to Mr. Williams for immediately commenting "I can just hear the folks at home saying 'They got what they deserved.'" Get out of my brain, Brian!

posted by drew on 9/21/2003

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Boo got his due, woo-hoo!

I just saw on the news that Robert Duvall got a star on the Walk Of Fame yesterday. Gee, he's only 72, I guess they're only a couple of decades late in bestowing him the honor that has already been given to such heavyweights as Charlie Sheen and David Hasslehoff. I shall celebrate his glory tonight by re-watching his underrated performance in Falling Down, as should you. But if you want to watch Apoc Now or The Godfather or Tender Mercies instead, that's perfectly acceptable as well. Just not The Scarlet Letter or The Paper. That's just going too far.

posted by drew on 9/20/2003

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Drew's Blog-O-Rama:

Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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