I can hear the drums, Fernando.

Dig, if you will, the picture.

You remember how in Muriel's Wedding, there was that small part where Toni Collette and Rachel Griffiths entered a singing contest, and they were really dorky, but in a funny and endearing way? Well, imagine if there was a whole movie based on their singing act. But instead of being funny and endearing, the two leads were more, say, annoying and not funny. And keep Toni Collette, but instead of Rachel Griffiths, use the most obnoxious person of 2002 from the most overrated film of 2002, Nia Vardalos. Hell, let her write the movie, too. And let's use the director of The Santa Clause 2, because who knows comedy better than he?

But wait, I'm not done. They're not just a regular singing act, of course. I mean, wouldn't it be a hoot if because they witnessed a murder, they were on the run? And since they were hiding out, the only logical way to camoflauge themselves would be that they decide to become women pretending to be men pretending to be women, all Victor/Victoria style? And you'd have to have some hilarious dialogue, something along the lines of:

Connie: We gotta go someplace that they'll never look for us, because there's no musical theater, no dinner theater, no culture at all.

Carla: Los Angeles!

Because that'll bring the house down. Lastly, throw in a hunky television star that's done a ton of movies, but almost all of them have been unwatchable. I know. David Duchovny. Okay, got all that in your mind? Best movie ever, right? If only they would make a movie exactly like this, it could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Well kids, dreams do come true. I present to you:

The Connie And Carla Trailer.

May God have mercy on our souls.

posted by drew on 2/10/2004

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Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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