On the next CSI: Death By Movie (Although the sticky floor is still a suspect)
I'm sure you've heard it by now, woman goes to see Mel Gibson's The Passion Of The Christ, woman keels over and dies from heart attack. Which is sad, don't get me wrong. And I mean no disrespect to the woman here. And I'm not even going to touch the subject matter of The Passion with a 10 foot pole, so put your guns back in your holsters, people. My gripe o' the day is:
Why is this news? I mean, people have medical maladies at the movies all the time. As they do in, you know, supermarkets and baseball games and Avril Lavigne concerts. But have you ever seen in the news where a person had a heart attack during Agent Cody Banks or died from a cerebral hemorrage watching Cuba Gooding Jr. push his shopping cart in Radio? Have you?
The implication, of course, is that The Passion killed the woman. It's just like when Pulp Fiction was coming out and a person collapsed whilst watching the Uma adrenaline scene and that story was on every news channel in America. And in the back of our minds, we're supposed to think "Eeek! That violent movie done kilt that poor woman! I'm gonna stick to movies like Secondhand Lions, thank you very much!"
I don't wanna state the obvious here, but if you die of a heart attack during a movie, then even if you hadn't seen that movie, you probably would have died soon after anyway. You simply would have died in a more mundane fashion, like during the throes of lovemaking or seeing your first two numbers pop up in the lottery drawing, or trying to beat traffic to make it home in time for The Apprentice.
To paraphrase a great line from Scream: Movies don't cause people to die, they cause people to die more creatively.
Here endeth the lesson.
posted by drew on 2/25/2004
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