Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down.

Bettie Page ain't got nothin' on Betty White.So, I was checkin' out Coming Soon! today, and I
saw that Gretchen Mol is about to play 50's pinup/tied up Bettie Page in a new project by Mary Harron (I Shot Andy Warhol) And Guinevere Turner (Go Fish). The news did not fill me with warm fuzzies.

Don't get me wrong, Harron and Turner did American Psycho, and that was a pretty decent flick, if not a tad overrated. And Gretchen Mol, even though she's as blonde as blonde can be, she has an old school prettiness to her. She can dye the hair, no big whup. And the subject matter seems interesting enough in that Star 80 sort of way. So the story, writer and director, I'm cool with. The look of Gretchen is a-okay by me. So, what's the prob, you inquire? Hmm...how shall I put this delicately?

Gretchen Mol sucks.

Okay, that was a bit harsh. I take it back. She doesn't suck, per se. But she does reek of barely adequate. That better?

Seriously though, in 10 seconds, name a great Gretchen Mol performance on the big screen. See? It's not possible. She can't carry a movie, she simply hasn't given any evidence that she's got the chops. A Gretchen can be your kid sister. If you need a nagging girlfriend, Gretchen's your gal. But spanking and whipping, is not Gretchen's strong suit.

Methinks it should have gone to Angelina Jolie or Ashley Judd, of course. If only they had called me first.

posted by drew on 2/18/2004

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Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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