This weekend's lineup: cinematic bliss or movie hell?

Pity Mr. Drew: I frequently am accosted by people e-mailing/sucker punching/instant messaging (hipsters that they are) me asking what movies have potential on a particular weekend. And being the considerate fella that I am, I usually respond by going on lengthy diatribes about commercials with spongmonkeys in them. But ever since I sat through an entire episode of I Want A Famous Face on MTV, I've got some karma that needs upping. So perhaps this post will make me straight with the big boy/girl/troika/etc.

Bobby Jones: Stroke Of Genius (trailer).
You already know how I feel from this previous post. Newsbreak: golf is snoresville. Unless Bill Murray cameos chasing down gophers, it ain't gonna hold my interest. There's a huge billboard in my town that shows a picture of Jesus Jim Caviezel declaring that flick features the star of "The World's #1 Movie!" Which is odd, because I don't recall seeing Leonardo DiCaprio nor Kate Winslet mentioning being in this movie. Maybe I'd watch if it was on cable late at night and my Cinemax was out. Maybe.

Envy (trailer).
Ben Stiller is funny. Jack Black is funny. Envy looks...not so funny. Maybe it's oversaturation of Stiller, maybe it's that Jack Black can't "polish a turd" as it were, (see Saving Silverman/Orange County/Shallow Hal if you don't believe me), or maybe it's that Barry Levinson hasn't directed a good movie since 1997's Wag The Dog. The poo jokes don't help much, either. I'll put it in the abyss (i.e. the bottom of my Netflix queue) just because these boys have made good movies in the past, and at least it has Chris Walken.

Godsend (trailer).
Repackaging Pet Sematary into a topical spookfest on the eeevil of cloning does not a Drew impress. Robert De Niro's last 4 movies: The Score, Showtime, City By The Sea, and Analyze That. I think they're breaking the Geneva convention by forcing prisoners in Guantanamo to watch this foursome, with the threat of Godsend as a chaser. Another late night cable choice, if they're showing a rerun of Pimp My Ride.

Laws Of Attraction (trailer).
This project breaks two different cardinal rules of movies of the last decade. Rule #1: Nobody wants to see a Pierce Brosnan movie unless his character's last name is Bond. And after the last few, even that's iffy. Rule #2: Nobody wants to Julianne Moore in a comedy, unless her character's last name is Lebowski. I'll see any Julianne Moore drama under the sun (I even suffered through World Traveler for your sins), but I'm never going to lay eyes on this thing.

Mean Girls (trailer).
It's a really sad week when a Lindsay Lohan flick might be the one to see. Normally, I'd stay far, far away from this sort of thing (I'm pretty sure bopping into work and saying "Hey, did you see the new Lindsay LOHAN movie this weekend??" gets you put on some sort of list-o-deviants.) But this one doesn't look Hostess Twinkie like a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen piece of cinematic arsenic; it was written by Tina Fey and is actually getting good buzz (79% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes at last peek) for this kind of flick. Plus, there's no over-the-top Jamie Lee Curtis moaning about looking like The Crypt Keeper, which is always a plus. If this puppy keeps getting decent reviews, I'll Netflick it.

The Saddest Music In The World (trailer).
Isabella Rosselini starring as a legless beer baroness trying to boost sales by finding the saddest music in the world? That sounds like a Lynch family outing to me; sign me up! And it's getting great reviews, which means, of course, that I'll never get the chance to see it theatrically. It's in all of one theater this weekend. Sigh...indie flicks like this are what I live for; this is why I never leave the house, you know. Oh, and for my money, "One Less Bell To Answer" by the 5th Dimension takes the prize as the most stick-your-head-in-the-oven song of all time.

Since Otar Left (trailer).
Seems like a nice little heartfelt foreign flick, this is the other movie I'd see this week if I didn't live in Bumblef*ck. I can't really tell you much about the movie, since it suffers from foreign movie trailer-itis, which means much more montage than dialogue. But I have a feeling it's going to be way more character based anyway, so plot descriptions like "three generations of women living together in the Georgian capital Tbilisi" aren't really going to help much. It's won some awards too, so if you dig this sort of film and have access to it, run out and see it, pronto. Then I can live vicariously through you.

So there you have it, Saddest Music In The World and Since Otar Left are my sight-unseen recommendations of the week. And maybe Mean Girls if you're in the right demographic, or have somebody in the right demographic you can take along for the ride, as to give the illusion of being benevolent as opposed to lame-assed.

Related tune: One Less Bell To Answer by The 5th Dimension (Real Audio via

posted by drew on 4/30/2004

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