Wait 'til you meet her sister, Parcheesi.

Normally, news regarding Keira Knightley, the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet (according to everybody else, not moi) doesn't warrant much enthusiasm out of yours truly. She hasn't ever proven she can act a lick, she's incredibly annoying in interviews and have you ever listened to the Pirates Of The Caribbean commentary track she's on? She comes off like Eliza Dolittle on crack. And remember that hooey she tried to pull about not getting her lips fattened, collagen-style? Ha!

Keira Knightley when her lips were mortal

Keira Knightley's lips can now be used as a flotation device

There's only two ways your lips can get that fat overnight, artificial enhancement or breaking up with Nick Carter. Does she think simply saying that she didn't get it done will make us disregard our eyes? Maybe she's trying the old Eddie Murphy Jedi mind trick pulled when Mr. T wanted to kick his ass:

Mr. T: I hear you've been telling these jokes about me!
Eddie Murphy: No you didn't!
Mr. T: Maybe I didn't! I'm gonna go beat up the fool that told me those lies!

Ah, felt good to get that off my chest. Sexy tomboy beanpole, my ass.

Anyway, she's going to star in Domino, which is based on Domino Harvey, kid of Manchurian's Laurence Harvey who decided that being a Ford model was a snooze and became a bounty hunter. But she ain't the draw, the draw is that it's written by Donnie Darko maestro Richard Kelly and directed by Tony Scott. Based on Darko, I'd watch anything Kelly writes and the last time Tony Scott directed an offbeat script written by a director whose debut became a cult phenomenon, he made True Romance. Plus, the script has flashbacks, fast forwards, and characters from Beverly Hills, 90210. Sounds very Charlie Kaufman to me. And considering the career trajectories of the cast members of 90210, bet they'll have no problem snagging the real actors to play their respective parts. Can't you just see Ian Ziering begging the assistant manager at Denny's to let him off work early to shoot a cameo?

Related tune: Domino by Van Morrison (Real Audio via rockinmama)

posted by drew on 8/04/2004

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