...and starring John Travolta as Mr. Blonde

Sorry 'bout my being splitsville lately, but I've only recently recovered from the hysterical blindness brought on by seeing Vinnie Barbarino as a blonde on the Love Song For Bobby Long poster. Going blonde could possibly be the worst decision John Travolta has made in his entire life, and lest you forget, he starred in such cinematic gems as Urban Cowboy, Look Who's Talking, Phenomenon, and I won't even mention the oh-so-easy target. Plus, he spawned with Kelly Preston. So you understand the magnitude of this follicle faux-pas, I should hope. What could Hollywood possibly be thinking when it decides to make a dark haired fella into a a golden boy? Have they not learned from the last?

So, as a public service to mankind, I've decided to give you the top five non-blonde actors who have dipped their toe in the pool of blondeness with apocalyptic results.

5. Colin Farrell in Alexander. I don't care how big your schlong is, it can't possibly draw attention away from the fact that your coif is ridiculous. The only way you can conquer the world with that 'do is by hoping your enemies laugh themselves to death like the weasels in Roger Rabbit.

4. Kevin Spacey in Hurlyburly. Not be glib but son, you got a canary on your head. The sole justification I can come up with for Kev's hair in this flick is that his character was a gigantic prick whose face you were supposed to want to smash in, and the hair does help achieve that goal.

3. Bruce Willis in The Fifth Element. You'd think these guys with the thinning hair would want to draw less attention to their dilemma, no? Poor guy's locks looked worse than his wife's that year, and that's quite an accomplishment.

2. Tom Cruise in Interview With The Vampire. Cruise should have told the peroxide guy "I want some less." Wait...that doesn't even make sense. Anyhoo, instead of looking vampirish and scary, he just looked like a surfer wannabe goth kid with some serious sexual identity issues.

1. Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man. If actors with hideous blonde dye jobs formed a religion, Wesley Snipes would be their deity. And a wicked god he would be. And by wicked I mean incredibly bad, not that Bostonian Will Hunting "wicked smat" kinda way.

Related tune: Yellow by Coldplay (mp3 via blog.hex.is)

posted by drew on 9/29/2004

Back to drew's blog-o-rama?

Drew's Blog-O-Rama:

Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

techie stuff
Add to My Yahoo!
Add to your Kinja digest
Subscribe with Bloglines
rss feed
atom feed

The Archive
the main page
december 2005
november 2005
october 2005
september 2005
august 2005
july 2005
june 2005
may 2005
april 2005
march 2005
feburary 2005
january 2005
december 2004
november 2004
october 2004
september 2004
august 2004
july 2004
june 2004
may 2004
april 2004
march 2004
february 2004
january 2004
december 2003
november 2003
october 2003
september 2003

Get outta here, already.
drew's script-o-rama
email me
aol im: scriptorama

Blogs I Dig

Blogcritics: news and reviews