The AFLAC duck is in a movie...the end of days is near.

That AFLAC duck is a dirty whore.

Would Meryl Streep really have signed on the Lemony Snicket movie if she had been made aware that she would have the devil incarnate AFLAC duck as a co-star?

Then again, working with the bastard water fowl may still be slightly less humiliating than working with Roseanne.

You can probably tell that I have a special hatred for this dastardly duck. Obviously, the commercials are incredibly grating; I'd have to think that duck would be "a l'orange" pretty quickly in the real world for the constant interruption and one-word vocabulary. And getting beaten over the head with a word ain't gonna make me use your services, bub. For me, it had quite the opposite effect. When I was called into human resources a few months ago and asked "Would you like to sign up for AFLAC?", I screamed, burst into tears, covered my ears and ran the hell outta there quicker than Tara Reid at an intervention. I believe HR marked my response as "no."

Admittedly, it's not just the commercials that spawn my primal loathing. You see, I have a co-worker that has a plush AFLAC duck and when you squeeze it hollers "AFLAAAAAAC" over and over. Which, maybe, MAYBE, is somewhat amusing the first time you hear it. But people squeeze more than once. A lot. Every day. You cannot possibly imagine the sheer creativity in the countless ways that I have envisioned this duck's demise in my head.

I think I'll have Jen watch the movie before I do as a preventative measure so she can cover my eyes and ears when the dreaded scene arrives. I have no idea how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, and I have no idea how many times I have to bear witness to this damned duck before I have a complete nervous breakdown.

Related tune: Enough is Enough by Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand (Windows Media via

posted by drew on 11/28/2004

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Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.

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