Justin Timberlake Is Iron Man. I done cried me a river.
Yup, according to CHUD, the boy who made Janet's boob into a megastar is set to horrify even more people by playing Tony Stark in Nick Cassavetes's Iron Man. As the Comic Book Guy might say...could this project possibly be any more worthy of my mocking and derision?
First off, Nick Cassavetes. I'd feel bad for the guy if he didn't keep getting work. I mean, he's the spawn of the uber-talented John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands, and let's face it...he's a hack. Here is his entire filmography as a director: Unhook The Stars, She's So Lovely, John Q, and The Notebook. Does anybody dig these flicks? The only notable thing I remember from any of these "films" is Sean Penn pondering "Where the f*ck did hair come from? What is hair?" in She's So Lovely.
Papa would be so proud.
As for Timberlake, that's just shooting fish in a barrel. Iron Man is a man; Mr. Omeletteville is a boy. Yeah, yeah, he's 23, but I'm sure the little bastard still has to show ID to go see Closer. Tom Cruise almost took this role, and he's 42; that's one hell of an age swing for casting. Not to mention the whole, you know, lack of talent thing. If it were up to me, his ass would be moonwalking to the unemployment line right about now.
Every studio needs to pay attention to history or they are doomed to repeat it. If you choose the director of Usual Suspects to helm your comic book movie, you wind up with X-Men. If you choose the director of Simon Birch to direct your comic book movie, you wind up with Daredevil. So is it a wise decision to fork out a ton of money to make a comic movie with the director of John Q, with the ex-lead singer of 'N Sync starring as icing on the cake?
This ain't rocket science, people.
Related tune: Iron Man 1966 Animated Theme (Real Audio via comicbookresources.com)
posted by drew on 12/06/2004
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