Bats oughta keep his batarang in his utility belt.

The day would have been saved, if Vicky Vale hadn't been so clingy.It's old news that Katie Holmes was kicked to the curb as the love interest in the next Batman flick, but the newer news is that Isla Fisher is in...whoever that is. Now don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed that Katie won't be returning; she was about as believable as a district attorney as Keanu Reeves was as a doctor in Something's Gotta Give and she and Bale had as much chemistry as Bill Pullman and Ellen DeGeneres in Mr. Wrong.

But the news got me thinking...why do we need a new love interest in the next Batman movie, anyway? In almost every comic book movie I can think of, every romantic plotline where the love interest ain't also a hero or a villain has easily been the most excruciating part of the flick. And I'm not some seven year old punk who thinks that girls are icky and covers his eyes at the "mushy" parts in movies. Well...except when I'm watching Joe Pesci and Sharon Stone in Casino, but can you blame me? I dig a grown up love story like Garden State, Eternal Sunshine, When Harry Met Sally, yadda yadda.

It all goes back to the first superhero flick I saw as a wee boy, which was Superman. Man, oh man, did I love that movie...except for one part. Li'l Drew was a happy camper until all of a sudden in the middle of the film, Supes was holding hands with Lois Lane whilst flying in the clouds while Maureen McGovern's "Can You Read My Mind" played in the background! It took all the willpower a young lad could muster not to regurgitate his Fruity Pebbles, lemme tell ya.

And it hasn't gotten any better through the years; it seems there's just one Vicky Vale with many faces. So Warner Brothers, how 'bout no love interest at all in the next one? I'll be your best friend, I'll even invite you to my birthday party. Think about you know anybody who likes Vicky Vale? I can't be the only one who finds the MJ "go get 'em, tiger" parts of Spider-Man utterly pukeworthy? Hulk needs Jennifer Connelly about as much as Lindsay Lohan needs Dextrim! And that's the triple-truth, Ruth.

Related tune: La Isla Bonita by Madonna (Windows Media via

posted by drew on 7/07/2005

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