The Top 10 Worst Best Picture Winners

Ah...what's more fun than lists, I ask ya? Schindler loves 'em, I love 'em, and these days so does Premiere Magazine. The editors must be super-bored these days, so they came up with a list of the top 10 worst Best Picture winners. Naturally, being the evil teases that they are, the oh-so-reliable IMDB news service only lists seven of 'em: Chicago, Oliver, My Fair Lady, American Beauty, Around The World In 80 Days, The Greatest Show On Earth, and The Great Ziegfield.

All in all, I don't really have a problem with the flicks that they picked and I'm admittedly deficient in pre-1950 Best Picture winners. The one glaring standout is American Beauty...they not only dropped the ball, but kicked it down the gutter where it got pricked with a syringe bearing Hepatitis C before being eaten by a pack of feral albino alligators. Right about now you may be thinking, "Hey, you're so damn smart, why don't you come up with a list of your own of the worst Best Picture winners?" You got it, bub. Here goes, in mostly alphabetical order since I'm a giant wussy:

1. Around The World in 80 Days. I'd rather watch the remake. If you've seen the remake, you know what a truly strong statement that is.

2. Chariots Of Fire. It's exactly as boring as you'd think a movie about running would be.

3. Chicago. I'll fully admit, I loathe musicals so I have no objectivity whatsoever here.

4. Forrest Gump. I once broke up with a gal because this was her #1 movie. I'm not a smart man but I know what shite is, Jen-nay.

5. Gigi. Who knew a musical about a pedophile would be excruciating? Last time I take my movie recommendations from Polanski, that's for sure. Also, see #3.

6. Gladiator. The fact that this movie is so beloved vexes me. I'm terribly vexed!

7. My Fair Lady. You know how grating Audrey's voice is for the first half of the movie? The whole movie feels that way to me. Also, see #3.

8. Oliver! The only thing worse than a musical is a musical about orphans. See Annie.

9. Tom Jones. It's like a really, really bad episode of Benny Hill.

10. The English Patient. Elaine Benes said it best when she said "Oh. No. I can't do this any more. I can't. It's too long. Quit telling your stupid story, about the stupid desert, and just die already! Die!!"

And there you have it. Oh, and keeping with the whole Oscar theme here, go and enter my damned Oscar contest if you haven't by now.

Related tune: Thank Heaven For Little Girls (mp3 via

posted by drew on 3/01/2006

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