Julia Roberts Accused Of Child Abuse!
By me, at least.
As you must know by now, Julia Roberts went and gave birth to those twins she's been lugging around for a while. And at least one of them might have chosen stay in utero if he had been made aware of his upcoming moniker. The girl's name, Hazel, I don't have a problem with. I've never personally known a Hazel that wasn't a member of the AARP, but hey, I'm sure they're out there.
But branding that poor, innocent boy the name of Phinnaeus...to quote Coburn in Payback, "Man, that's just mean! That's mean, man!" It's gotta be considered child abuse in some states; I'm calling Gloria Allred.
Besides, if she wanted her son to be beat up in school so badly, she should've just listened to Kevin McAllister's advice and sent him to school in a sweater with a duck knitted on it.
But don't forget Julia, no reneging on your promise to me or I'll send Tommy Lee over to babysit.
Related tune: Born To Lose by Ray Charles (Real Audio via Terrificmusic.com)
posted by drew on 11/29/2004
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